This time of year's always hard, I miss you loads..
XOX
Monday, 22 October 2012
Could we pretend that sky lanterns in the night sky were like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now...
So tonight, me and my 2 lovely housemates went to Brighton Racecourse to send a sky lantern up to Jenny for her birthday, so after some interesting CCTV footage, many discarded matches and 1 trip back to get matches after the lighter lost gas, we finally got it up in the air.
This time of year's always hard, I miss you loads..
XOX
This time of year's always hard, I miss you loads..
XOX
BRCA
I've been putting off writing this for so long, but it's on my mind so here goes...
Breast cancer has many associated genes, It's unknown exactly how many or the exact mechanism of action of all of these genes but it is known that having one of these genes increases your risk of developing breast or ovarian cancer considerably. The most common forms are known as BRCA 1 & 2.
BRCA is a tumour suppressor gene, which can become ineffective if mutated.
When testing for mutations on the BRCA gene, ordinarily the affected person is tested first, to which afterwards 1st and 2nd degree relatives are tested. The likelihood that an offspring would have inherited the gene is 50% due to an autosomal dominant inheritance pattern. It is located on chromosome 17, not a sex chromosome therefore the risk can be passed onto offspring of both genders.
A few weeks ago, I found out that my grandmother, who had breast cancer back in the 1980's. Recently it's been found it that she has a mutation on the BRCA 1 gene meaning that I have a 25% chance of having the gene myself.
So tomorrow, I'm scheduled in to have my first ever blood test and I'm scared. I'm scared of the needles, I'm scared its going to hurt. Most of all I'm scared of the result. I know there are things that can be done to reduce my chances with regular mammograms, not taking the contraceptive pill etc. but it's still frightening to have the prospect of potentially possessing some kind of genetic disorder.
There's also the options I have if I found out that I do have the gene. This includes a preventative mastectomy and/or oophorectomy, but then I want to have children. But if I do have this gene would it be worth risking passing it on to any potential offspring? I know that I also have the option of IVF with genetic screening, but it's costly with the potential ethical issue of is it right to choose an embryo on the basis of its genes? To test for a defect certainly, but where do we draw the line? What if my potential future offspring have to deal with seeing their mother go through such a traumatic experience?
There's also the issue of dysmenorrhea, to the point in which I suffer from emesis, among other symptoms. If I have a mutation in the BRCA gene then I need to stop taking the contraceptive pill which is the only thing that I've found to control the symptoms.
What if I don't have it.
I'd want to know in that circumstance, but I'm just so terrified of the result.
What if my mother has it? I don't know if I could deal with another immediate family member being so ill again, I don't think I can both emotionally and physically go through that again.
Wish me luck! I'm gladly welcoming prayers right now!
XOX
Breast cancer has many associated genes, It's unknown exactly how many or the exact mechanism of action of all of these genes but it is known that having one of these genes increases your risk of developing breast or ovarian cancer considerably. The most common forms are known as BRCA 1 & 2.
BRCA is a tumour suppressor gene, which can become ineffective if mutated.
When testing for mutations on the BRCA gene, ordinarily the affected person is tested first, to which afterwards 1st and 2nd degree relatives are tested. The likelihood that an offspring would have inherited the gene is 50% due to an autosomal dominant inheritance pattern. It is located on chromosome 17, not a sex chromosome therefore the risk can be passed onto offspring of both genders.
A few weeks ago, I found out that my grandmother, who had breast cancer back in the 1980's. Recently it's been found it that she has a mutation on the BRCA 1 gene meaning that I have a 25% chance of having the gene myself.
So tomorrow, I'm scheduled in to have my first ever blood test and I'm scared. I'm scared of the needles, I'm scared its going to hurt. Most of all I'm scared of the result. I know there are things that can be done to reduce my chances with regular mammograms, not taking the contraceptive pill etc. but it's still frightening to have the prospect of potentially possessing some kind of genetic disorder.
There's also the options I have if I found out that I do have the gene. This includes a preventative mastectomy and/or oophorectomy, but then I want to have children. But if I do have this gene would it be worth risking passing it on to any potential offspring? I know that I also have the option of IVF with genetic screening, but it's costly with the potential ethical issue of is it right to choose an embryo on the basis of its genes? To test for a defect certainly, but where do we draw the line? What if my potential future offspring have to deal with seeing their mother go through such a traumatic experience?
There's also the issue of dysmenorrhea, to the point in which I suffer from emesis, among other symptoms. If I have a mutation in the BRCA gene then I need to stop taking the contraceptive pill which is the only thing that I've found to control the symptoms.
What if I don't have it.
I'd want to know in that circumstance, but I'm just so terrified of the result.
What if my mother has it? I don't know if I could deal with another immediate family member being so ill again, I don't think I can both emotionally and physically go through that again.
Wish me luck! I'm gladly welcoming prayers right now!
XOX
Sunday, 21 October 2012
Normal?
So today marks 22 years since the birth of my sister, but instead of making plans and buying gifts I'm having a completely normal day, I'm going to work followed by church. Uneventful? certainly. But to me this is huge. This will be the first year in the last 6 years that I haven't sat and wallowed in self pity for the whole day, It will also be the first year I'm not in Reading. And whilst it's so easy to feel totally alone, it's quite nice having the anonymity. I'm not going to be surrounded by people who know what today is, so people aren't going to come up to me and ask how I'm doing or if I'm upset. As nice as it is, I think I might cry if they did so, and I'm trying to be as normal as possible.
This weeks been so hard, it's been a frustrating week anyway. My car has a problem with its fan that has re-occurred, following this the fitting for my windscreen wiper snapped causing it to displace whilst I was driving. Then 2 days ago I go around the corner to find the wing mirror dangling down beside my car. So when I think this is more than enough for me to handle, I walk out to go to work yesterday evening to find my wheel arch scratched and dented from where someone had hit it whilst it was parked. This led to me crying in the car, something I haven't done for a long time. But it wasn't just the car. I try to be so strong, because it's not productive to anyone else if I fall apart, and I guess I expect it to be easier now it's been so long and so much has happened since, but it's not always easy, and this time of year it's so much harder to pretend.
Anyway, Happy 22nd Birthday Jenny :)
XOX
This weeks been so hard, it's been a frustrating week anyway. My car has a problem with its fan that has re-occurred, following this the fitting for my windscreen wiper snapped causing it to displace whilst I was driving. Then 2 days ago I go around the corner to find the wing mirror dangling down beside my car. So when I think this is more than enough for me to handle, I walk out to go to work yesterday evening to find my wheel arch scratched and dented from where someone had hit it whilst it was parked. This led to me crying in the car, something I haven't done for a long time. But it wasn't just the car. I try to be so strong, because it's not productive to anyone else if I fall apart, and I guess I expect it to be easier now it's been so long and so much has happened since, but it's not always easy, and this time of year it's so much harder to pretend.
Anyway, Happy 22nd Birthday Jenny :)
XOX
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
Questions Of Science, Science & Progress Do Not Speak As Loud As My Heart
Tonight we had the worst thunderstorm we've had for a while. Now usually by the sea we don't get the weather too bad but even Brighton didn't escape it today. My lovely housemates have abandoned me tonight! So I decided to try and improve on guitar (one of my ambitions before summer!)
Look Proof!:
Look Proof!:
As much as I love studying science, I need a creative outlet! For the last 2 years this has been through my photography but I've really missed music. I also played some piano today (to a shop full of people but still..) and I still get a feeling that I don't get from playing music. I really wish I'd been encouraged from young to play, but I suppose I still get the same satisfaction from it as it's something I fought to be able to take up.
My beautiful little brother Ben turns 6 on Saturday and I really got stuck for a present so I got him this (I guess I'm hoping for him to take after his sisters!!) Also he's a big boy now, It'll be nice to give him something that he can (hopefully!) look after & cherish :) So here it is!:
I've tuned it up for him & I'm sure he'll love it, he loved the little plastic one I got him when he was 4. It's a 3/4 size, so he can use it now, but also he can keep it for a few years before he's too big for it.
As for uni, I started 2nd year this week, and although I'm incredibly intimidated by the expected workload, I believe I can achieve the necessary grades for me to get into medicine so I've created a system. For each lecture I'm planning to for each lecture have slides, notes, notes on extra reading and annotated related articles as well as keeping a hand-written glossary of terms which I will add to over the year. The folder looks so good so far!
I'm pretty proud of it....
Things are also moving on the volunteering side of things, I'm going to start attending meetings for Red Cross next week. This along with an interview for active student (which I'm aiming to achieve) and a possible week in Thailand in summer of next year, I'm well on the way to getting some valuable experience for my medical application and help me to develop skills with people. I'm compassionate about people so I'm incredibly excited for this!!
Wish me luck!
XOX
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
Looking Back On What We've Done This Year..
I walked into CCK on Sunday, almost a year to the day in which I first arrived and it was so strange seeing all the new freshers, it made me think how were we this time last year?
The first thing that jumps into my head is about how unbelievably homesick I felt. I'd gone from this comfortable place, surrounded by people I love to a new area where I didn't know my way around and barely knew anyone and definitely didn't know anyone well. I spent a good proportion of that first week just willing myself back home. (Definitely must have been a little irritating too some of my new friends!). I didn't feel like I was coming to a new opportunity but leaving my entire life behind, and dooming myself to 3 years to staring through glass, from the outside looking in. I know it seems strange, it seems strange to me now, but although I was moving out, living alone for the first time, I felt I was giving away my independence and dooming myself to be financially dependant on my parents again. I gave up my job, which I was so happy and comfortable in and my car which was the one of the first real steps to independence that I'd ever had, which was so tough to deal with.
Most of all, I knew I'd find it intolerable to be away from Adam for so long. We had 3 years of seeing each other most days, if I needed him, I knew exactly where to find him, and I could get to him. I had no idea how we were going to cope with long distance and if we were going to make it. I mean so many couples break up when they go to uni, and I had no idea if I was going to be one of those statistics.
So fast forward to today:
The major thing that's come out of being in Brighton, is that it's enabled me to really make my faith into my own and I've grown so much this year. I'm enjoying having a stronger relationship with God and in return He's blessing me with clarity and a hunger to know him more.
I've also gained so much independence. Not only do I live away from home and cope with the responsibilities of that, but I got a new job, which has been such a blessing, it's a perfect opportunity for me and I get to work with some amazing people. This then enabled me to get my car back and break out of the little uni 'bubble' that it's so easy to get trapped in when you move to a city like Brighton.
I'm not looking through the glass, I'm living inside. I've met so many amazing people since living in Brighton, including some of my best friends.
I'm doing a course that I love which satisfies me more than Highdown ever could. I'm in an environment in which I can really expand my knowledge and achieve the best that I possibly can, including potentially achieving my dream.
As for Adam... We're celebrating our 4 year anniversary in two weeks time, and things couldn't be better.
Let's see what the next year brings!
XOX
The first thing that jumps into my head is about how unbelievably homesick I felt. I'd gone from this comfortable place, surrounded by people I love to a new area where I didn't know my way around and barely knew anyone and definitely didn't know anyone well. I spent a good proportion of that first week just willing myself back home. (Definitely must have been a little irritating too some of my new friends!). I didn't feel like I was coming to a new opportunity but leaving my entire life behind, and dooming myself to 3 years to staring through glass, from the outside looking in. I know it seems strange, it seems strange to me now, but although I was moving out, living alone for the first time, I felt I was giving away my independence and dooming myself to be financially dependant on my parents again. I gave up my job, which I was so happy and comfortable in and my car which was the one of the first real steps to independence that I'd ever had, which was so tough to deal with.
Most of all, I knew I'd find it intolerable to be away from Adam for so long. We had 3 years of seeing each other most days, if I needed him, I knew exactly where to find him, and I could get to him. I had no idea how we were going to cope with long distance and if we were going to make it. I mean so many couples break up when they go to uni, and I had no idea if I was going to be one of those statistics.
So fast forward to today:
The major thing that's come out of being in Brighton, is that it's enabled me to really make my faith into my own and I've grown so much this year. I'm enjoying having a stronger relationship with God and in return He's blessing me with clarity and a hunger to know him more.
I've also gained so much independence. Not only do I live away from home and cope with the responsibilities of that, but I got a new job, which has been such a blessing, it's a perfect opportunity for me and I get to work with some amazing people. This then enabled me to get my car back and break out of the little uni 'bubble' that it's so easy to get trapped in when you move to a city like Brighton.
I'm not looking through the glass, I'm living inside. I've met so many amazing people since living in Brighton, including some of my best friends.
I'm doing a course that I love which satisfies me more than Highdown ever could. I'm in an environment in which I can really expand my knowledge and achieve the best that I possibly can, including potentially achieving my dream.
As for Adam... We're celebrating our 4 year anniversary in two weeks time, and things couldn't be better.
Let's see what the next year brings!
XOX
Thursday, 13 September 2012
Bad Dreams
I have a recurring nightmare.
I'm running down a corridor, the walls and floors are white, the atmosphere smells of disinfectant, grey doors line the corridor, but I don't try and go through. It's night time and the fluorescent lights on sensors turn on behind me, but I'm running too fast. I'm running into the darkness. I know where I'm going but I can't get there.
This is a real situation of mine, but in reality I got to my location and began one of the worst day of my life so far.
I think the feeling of a lack of control is the worst. Of knowing something bad is happening and you're powerless to stop it. I think that's why I never get there in the dream. Everything is so sterile and impersonal & clinical. Its cold. In the dream I'm scared and I wake up in a cold sweat of panic. I don't know how it's possible to be scared of something that's never happened, I just know that it is. It's like no other feeling.
Most of all I'm determined. I'm determined to stop this happening, to help in anyway I possibly can. To save lives, to save families.
I know I can't save every life, & sometimes I'm powerless, but I'm determined to give all of myself to try.
XOX
I'm running down a corridor, the walls and floors are white, the atmosphere smells of disinfectant, grey doors line the corridor, but I don't try and go through. It's night time and the fluorescent lights on sensors turn on behind me, but I'm running too fast. I'm running into the darkness. I know where I'm going but I can't get there.
This is a real situation of mine, but in reality I got to my location and began one of the worst day of my life so far.
I think the feeling of a lack of control is the worst. Of knowing something bad is happening and you're powerless to stop it. I think that's why I never get there in the dream. Everything is so sterile and impersonal & clinical. Its cold. In the dream I'm scared and I wake up in a cold sweat of panic. I don't know how it's possible to be scared of something that's never happened, I just know that it is. It's like no other feeling.
Most of all I'm determined. I'm determined to stop this happening, to help in anyway I possibly can. To save lives, to save families.
I know I can't save every life, & sometimes I'm powerless, but I'm determined to give all of myself to try.
XOX
New Blog, New Beginnings.
So basically I've decided to start a side- blog. This one will still continue and still be my main point of call as I go through life and head towards my ambitions.
I've also decided to write a blog dedicated to my personal relationship with God. It seems like a good idea to share my thoughts and what God's doing in my life as well as helping me to grow in relationship.
The new URL is:
allcomesbacktoyou.blogspot.co.uk
This is to make both this blog and the posts which will now be done on the new blog a bit more focused =]
Thanks so far to everyone who's reading this blog/ just coming across me, It's nice to think that someone's reading my thoughts and rantings as well as taking a personal interest in me and my ambitions.
I'll place a link in the side-bar also, if you fancy a read ;)
XOX
I've also decided to write a blog dedicated to my personal relationship with God. It seems like a good idea to share my thoughts and what God's doing in my life as well as helping me to grow in relationship.
The new URL is:
allcomesbacktoyou.blogspot.co.uk
This is to make both this blog and the posts which will now be done on the new blog a bit more focused =]
Thanks so far to everyone who's reading this blog/ just coming across me, It's nice to think that someone's reading my thoughts and rantings as well as taking a personal interest in me and my ambitions.
I'll place a link in the side-bar also, if you fancy a read ;)
XOX
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