New Year and New Beginnings - Reflections on a Not-so Terrible Year

I'm procrastinating from my cell pathology coursework by writing a blog, but seriously I wanted to round off this year. I've gone through the last couple of months thinking this is one of the worst years I've had so far, so in that instance, I'm going to be really glad to see the back of it. But whilst I'm being reflective, this year has bought so much and I've learnt so much from it. Firstly this year has bought the most changes since the year I left home and moved to Brighton, and although I've been so focused on the bad, this year has also given me some absolutely amazing experiences. The major one of these is travelling to the other side of the world entirely alone. I went to Thailand, a truly beautiful country, and definitely one of my favourite places, and working in a hospital, we'll I couldn't have done anything better. I saw surgery, travelled around, learnt about another culture. If it could change anything about the experience the only. Thing I could think of is that I would go for longer. I also went to Spain, and instead of just sun soaking, I got to interact with locals (in Spanish of course!) learn about the local area, and see it as more than just a place with a beach and heat, and actually appreciate how great Spanish culture is. 

This year is also the year that I really got to know myself and what I wanted out of life. Travelling bought ith it a lot of self discovery and widening by understanding of what I could do, as well as giving me a more realistic perspective of what I've got imprinted into me what I already wanted to do. But most of this actually came from realising what I don't want as well. I'm not content with just coasting through life and doing exactly what's expected of me, I want something extraordinary. I started this year volunteering in a project for homeless people, and this in itself was absolutely amazing. I then built on this with more volunteering experiences, working in a family centre and as a first aider for one of the most influential organisations in the world. With this I get to work with different people, experience scenarios that I couldn't have imagined, and spend my Saturday nights doing something other than vegetating in front of the television. I wouldn't have it any othe way. Anything I write down couldn't accurately describe the value of volunteering, therefore if you don't do it already, I'd encourage you to try! I ran 10 miles for charity back in October too, which was absolutely fantastic. If you know me, you'd know I'm not the most active person, therefore this was a massive achievement for me just to finish it, as well as raising over my target for the British Heart Foundation, an absolutely amazing charity. 

This year is the first year I've properly felt like an adult, my decisions (on the most part) have been much more responsible. I've also learnt that sometimes it's okay, and completely necessary to put myself first. I've also learnt it's important to take what you want out of life, there's absolutely no value in sitting on the sidelines, and I haven't regretted any of the decisions I made, to do something maybe slightly insane! (Particular reference to bungee jumping in Thailand!) I've gained so many amazing memories, things that I'll always treasure. 

In terms of new experiences, I applied for medicine this year. This is something I've been planning (and dreading!) for a long time, and I'm really excited I'm actually doing it, even if I don't get in, I'm going to learn so much from this experience, and in that scenario, I'll be bringing in next year in the same situation, hopefully whilst also studying for a masters degree, living in some city somewhere, of which I don't even know where it is yet.

This year has also been great in terms of friendships, not only have I met some amazing people and made some amazing new friends, I've also been able to deepen my friendships with some of the people I was already friends with. I've really learnt this year to appreciate the people around me and I feel really content in this aspect of my life, because I know whatever happens, they have my back. I'm really lucky to have all of them. 

So what does 2014 bring?

I'm starting 2014 in a great position, I live in what is the most beautiful city in the country, studying for a degree in a subject I'm passionate about. I'm starting this year single, for the first time really since 2007, but I'm surrounded by absolutely amazing people, so I'm not at all feeling lonely. I have a job, which allows me to talk to people and get money for it, and I'm still volunteering, meaning I get to continue building on these amazing experiences. This year I'll find out if I get into medicine, and graduate as a biomedical scientist. This year I'm going to move to a new city and gain new experiences, meet so many new people. I want to travel more this year, with going to Dublin at Easter, going away this summer seems a likely possibilty too. I'd like to finally get to Germany this year, visit the Christmas markets in Berlin (drink lots of jäger :D). I want to visit Iceland, see the northern lights, I wouldn't mind visiting Asia again either. I also want to sit on a beach somewhere abroad (pebbles in Brighton are great, but not quite the same thing!). I know that I probably won't do all of this, but I like the ability to dream about it. I'll also be doing the nuts challenge in March, an army style assault course, so will be training for this! 

Last year I made a list of resolutions to keep to, I'm not going to do the same this year because in reality I just have one:

This year I'm going to be happy.

(And maybe get fitter, take more photos and better control of my finances etc. :D)

I hope you all have a fantastic 2014, and bring 2013 out with a (metaphorical) bang!

XOX

Getting Back to Basics for a Slightly Unusual Christmas

Anyone who's seen me in the last few weeks will know exactly how much I've been dreading Christmas this year. I didn't decorate the house, give out cards, I bought all of my gifts horrendously last minute, I didn't feel at all festive and all that Christmas songs managed to achieve was making me cry, which isn't the greatest reaction when they're played on loop from a speaker above your head at work. This year is the first Christmas in 5 years that I've been single, and with the two before that being so upsetting (I barely even remember 2006), this one was different to any I've ever experienced. 

Firstly what I realised is that over the last 5 years, whilst focusing all of my energy into a relationship, I missed out on all of the things that my family do, that have always made Christmas so great. My mum was really excited, definitely more so than me, and she woke me up at 8.30. Then we opened presents. We always wait and open them all together, each doing a present at a time. My mums partners sister always gets someone something that's so obscure we can't work out what it is, without fail every year, which adds to the entertainment. There's also always the relative who makes a present almost unopenable by use of copious amounts of Sellotape. Then the cooking starts, and of course the drinking (something I couldn't partake in this year due to driving!). Paul always tries to cook something obscure with varying degrees of success, and this year didn't disappoint with a sausagemeat and stuffing concoction wrapped in bacon which was actually pretty good. We usually have some relatives stop by. It's so nice to see people who you don't see regularly and just catch up on their lives, how things are going. It makes the family feel closer, something that my family in particular is bad at. Mid morning we usually collect my grandmother, she's in her eighties now and in a nursing home, she also has an almost child-like persona, of which an element of which is that she gets really excited about Christmas. Every year without fail she'll come through the door and proclaim she's home, which is lovely. Then, with the mandatory cup if tea in hand, she'll demand her presents, and it's so nice to see how excited she gets. Then we all have dinner together, eat turkey and pull crackers. My nan always insists on watching the queen at 3, and I think this was the first year that she actually managed to stay awake for it. Then we take her back, and she'll join the others, who have returned or didn't get to spend Christmas with their families this year, and we head home and spend a chilled evening watching Christmas TV. 

This year I didn't spend my Christmas afternoon with a boyfriend, but I have so many other memories that I will cherish. Watching toy story with my parents, making me incredibly nostalgic for my childhood, sitting in front if the wood-burning fire, holding my 81 year old grandmothers hand whilst she tells me she loves me, joking about needing L plates whilst crashing a wheelchair, attempting to get said wheelchair into a small hatchback, with little success, laughing in the kitchen about cooking techniques and my hidden chocolate. This year also bought something new, not wanting to spend Christmas dwelling over the past, I drove to Wales, spending two and a half hours alone in the car, just so I could spend a few hours with two of the most special little men in my life. They caught me when I pulled up and ran to the car, immediately begin searching for presents, and help me into the house. We opened presents together, and they began fighting the cuddly smurfs I got them. I got to read them a story, of which I laughed far too much at for a children's book! And put them to bed. However this ended abruptly. Christmas 2013 will now always be the year that Ben fell out of his bunk bed and broke his wrist. But what is Christmas without a little bit of drama? 

This year I'm feeling incredibly thankful for what I have, and not dwelling over what I don't have anymore. If I'd known this beforehand, I would have probably been excited!

Happy Christmas! 

XOX

Interview Day: Highlights

Today wasn’t quite a normal Wednesday, I got up and put on a suit to start, which is completely unusual, I've never worn a suit before and although this one came with a pencil skirt it still counts! The day started well – I realised I couldn’t walk in the shoes that I’d bought for my interview, and had to stagger down Elm Grove in my teeny-tiny heels, wishing with each step that I was wearing my vans, even to the extent where I was staring at someone’s feet for a while with complete shoe envy until I realised what I was doing. I got really strange stares walking through Brighton in a suit at 10am, particularly through a muddy park (really didn’t think this through!) and I had (still have) my trademark fringe scraped back in order to look a little more professional, and although it’s nice to not have to scrape my hair out of my eyes at every given opportunity, I feel self –conscious. I got to London at around 11.30am. This was over 2 hours before my interview therefore, resisting the urge to pay a visit to the science museum, I went to Starbucks to do some last minute research. All of which was pretty useless. I was so nervous, I actually forgot to remove my coat. Literally, I just took my scarf off then stopped. I think I sat correctly, I remember giving it thought when I sat down. My interview lasted 25 minutes, 5 minutes over the allocated time, so I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not and it was in front of a panel of four. Now the most useful preparation I did for the interview was preparing my technique, the questions asked were pretty okay, nowhere near as bad as some of the ones I prepared for. I held my wrist, as on the advice of the careers advisor, to slow my pulse rate and calm my nerves. Whilst saying the questions were okay, I unravelled a little on the ethics question. Of course coming out of the interview, my brain’s kicked in and I now know exactly what I should have said, but obviously I can’t do anything about it now. I think I’ve had this at every single job interview, so I really shouldn’t expect this one to be any different in that aspect. I spoke fast as well, I couldn’t help it, not super-speed, but I was aware of it. At least I managed to keep it flowing, I didn’t stop after every few words, which I was also extremely conscious of.

All in all the experience wasn’t amazing, I’m not coming out of it thinking I definitely have the place, but it also wasn’t bad, & I don’t think I screwed it up by any means. It was also nowhere near as bad as I was expecting from a medical school interview, which is positive.  The only major thing that has come out of this experience so far is the confirmation that I really, really want this.

So what am I doing right now? I’m sat on a bench in Hyde Park, typing away, because they bought up my blog in the interview, and I didn’t want to neglect it on a day as momentous as today. Plus I’ve never actually been to Hyde Park before, I completely forgot about winter wonderland being here, but aside from that being absolutely massive, there’s still a large amount of open parkland here too, it’s beautiful. I really love London. I can picture myself here, I can picture myself being so happy here.

So I need to head back to Brighton and finish off my literature review for my project, it’s just nice to have the opportunity to remember exactly what I’m working so hard for.

I’ll keep you updated, no matter what the outcome is,

XOX

Post-application: the view from the other side

As you'll know if you've been reading my blog, or have applied to/ know someone who has applied to medicine yourself, almost a month has passed since the application deadline. Now being me, I typically left this until the day of the deadline, to give myself enough time to master that personal statement, which in all honesty was one of the most challenging parts of my entire application. I found it so difficult to fit in everything I'd done into 4000 characters, and I failed at this in that I had to sacrifice writing about some of my less relevant experiences in favour of the more clinically related ones. 

Anyway what have I been doing since then? Well I've started to progress on my final year project, experimenting and writing some of the all important literature review. As much as I love my university, access to some of the papers I've wanted has been somewhat challenging to say the least! I'm producing a drug-eluting stent, for use in coronary arteries in patients presenting with atherosclerosis. This is an exciting area of research, and due to my love for all things cardiovascular, I'm actually really looking forward to progressing it. With it also being something that hasn't been done before at the university, it'll be great to see how far we can get. I've been progressing through third year. There's a lot more work this year, and it's involving significantly more library time, but I feel relatively on top of everything, which is nice! Hopefully this will minimise the whole 'going crazy at exam time' thing.

I'm also continuing volunteering, which has been enjoyable. In my role at the family centre, I'm gaining more responsibility, which is really helping to develop my confidence, so I feel pretty great in that aspect also. Getting back into the society at uni is really making me feel like I have more of a purpose for this year, and I intend to make the most out of my final year here. 

In terms of my application, I've not been quite as cool as I would have hoped. Its because of the amount I want it, but as not to set myself up for disappointment, I emotionally readied myself for 4 straight rejections without interview, this hasn't stopped me panicking slightly every time I get an email on a weekday (I get the notifications on my phone as well, it's been pretty rough!) in case it's a reply from a university, or an update from track. And this had been entirely unnecessary, until today when I actually got my first reply. 

A month of waiting, feeling apprehensive and hoping, the first university that got back to me offered me an interview. 

Now this is amazing! It's such an honour to even be shortlisted down from so many people, and it makes medical school feel more like a reality. It means that a medical school has liked my application enough to consider me for a place. I know that this could lead to nothing, but even to get this far is motivation enough to really put my all in, not only my preparations for this interview, but also in terms of my course. 

Wish me luck!

XOX

Personal Statement Woes

I struggle sometimes with being concise and saying the right thing, so for writing my personal statement I've written myself some questions, some of which I'm going to share:

'Why do I want to be a doctor?

I know it’s always been cliché to say, but I want to be a doctor to help people. I want to make people better, and when this isn’t possible I want to make a difference. Improve a person’s comfort on their last days and provide support by the other people affected by this, for the family, for the friends. I love science, I’ve always loved science, and it’s why I did 4 at A-Level. It’s not just that I really want to have a scientific career, it’s that I couldn’t imagine not having one. So why not research? I love working with people. I volunteer not to make it look good on my medical school application (although it helps), but to see the difference that my actions can make to the lives of others, in a positive way. I like working with people different to myself. People always have different things to offer, and you can learn something from each of them, whether that be an academic with years of studying behind them, of the man you dismissed on your way home when he asked you for change. Every one of them has something to offer. Medicine is one of the only careers you can have where you can engage with such a wide range of people, all with different backgrounds, all with different stories. This is what is so great about the NHS, despite all of its problems, it is inclusive. Everyone has access to free healthcare that they need, something that isn’t present in other countries. Take Thailand for example, where I spent this summer. There people get what they can afford, not just in terms of the quality of treatment, but in whether they can access treatment at all. We are so privileged to live in a country where we can have this amazing creation, despite its well documented problems, that each of us is guilty of taking for granted. I’m passionate about being part of this.

What are the challenges concerned with medical school?

One of the major challenges concerned with medical school is that is a degree, and a degree means you have to work so hard to do well at it. I’ve had experience doing this with my Biomedical Science degree. It isn’t all about being a student and dossing about and being drunk. If you want to do well at a degree you need to put in the effort. However university is also meant to be an amazing experience and if you focus only on the academic side of it, you’re kind of missing the point. Getting actively involved in university is a great way to enhance your experience.  I love being part of a society, mixing the ability to be social with working towards a goal. Being on the first aid society is so rewarding, not only for the experience that come from the volunteering that runs alongside it, but seeing the how far everybody comes in such a short space of time. Its small milestones like this that really enriches your experience. Balancing is so important if you want to finish university successfully. Doing a degree doesn’t mean you have to abandon all interests for 3+ years (even though it may feel like that!) but rather it should be a time in which you be developing them. Take me as an example, I love photography, I love the ability to capture a fleeting moment and commit it to something more permanent. I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the country, why would I pass up that opportunity? It helps you to not get stressed. When I feel like my brain is saturated, I play a classical piece on the piano. Completely different, yet it feels like such a palette cleanser, I wouldn't have it any other way.

What have I done to prepare for the challenges of being a doctor?

I work as a first aider for 2 separate companies. This way I can get patient contact, which isn’t just “oh you’ve treated me, thank you very much, I’ll be leaving”, It’s challenging. Sometimes you can’t help the patient. Often patients are distressed, angry or drunk, sometimes downright aggressive. This isn’t a problem, in many ways it’s understandable. If you don’t understand what’s happening, being a patient can be downright scary. The difference is in how you handle these situations. You can have such a massive impact by acting tactfully. You cannot treat every patient the same and deliver a good standard of care. Every patient has the right to equal treatment, but every patient also needs to be treated tactfully based on their individual situation. This makes the difference in how satisfied your patient is with their treatment.

I’ve worked in a family centre, learning a little on NHS protocol. I’ve also worked in the community, in which I’ve definitely improved in confidence, something that will help me exponentially, should I become a doctor."

24 hours to the deadline!

XOX

Leaving Thailand and Coming Home to New Challenges

A few weeks ago, I left Thailand and headed back to London. I was definitely happy to be going home. I really missed everyone back here, and I'm pretty excited about getting back to uni and starting my final year, but I also wish I was still out there. I met some absolutely amazing people, who will make fantastic doctors/dentists/nurses/midwives, and it was so amazing working in a clinical environment everyday, having regular patient contact and seeing so many medical procedures on a daily basis. I really could have stayed out there an extra week, 2 weeks isn't enough time to see everything!

My last few days in Chiang Mai were great. I finished my placement in orthopaedics, in which I got to see some outpatients appointments, in which I learnt about conditions that I hadn't even heard of before and also helped me to think about some of the challenges that face patients when considering whether or not to take treatment. I also got to see some surgery, which is something I really wanted to experience whilst I was still out there. I got to see knee replacements and hip replacement surgery, lots of endoscopes and key-hole surgery to shoulders and 1 operation to correct polydactyly, so all in all a great placement and worth the 6.30am starts!

Now I'm back in the UK and back to normality! Uni started up again properly last week, so it's about getting back into a routine. Also my medical school application is due tomorrow, so I've been concerned with this!

Wish me luck!

XOX

Phuket Calling & Playing With Bones

It's been a few days since I updated so here goes!  So last week I finished my placement at the ER ward and overall it was great. I learnt so much about wounds, rode in an ambulance, saw treatment for a massively swollen insect bite and assisted in the removal of a guys stitches (to name a few!). There was also an interesting case in which a man had lost 3 of the digits on his right foot from complications resulting from hypertension. As im into cardiovascular medicine, it'll be a good one to read more about when i get home. I also saw so many results of motorcycle accidents. The driving is so insane out here that it happens quite often, and most people dont even wear helmets so the injuries can be pretty severe. It's actually really inspired me. When considering specialities for medicine, cardiology has always been at the very top of my list. This is both for personal reasons and just because I find the cardiovascular system just so fascinating. I've also considered other specialities such as oncology, neurology and autoimmune disorders such as diabetes, but I really think that I shouldn't dismiss trauma as a potential speciality should I become a doctor. I really like the pace of trauma medicine, how you can encounter something different everyday, and having that much responsibility in your decisions. 

Anyway, since before I came to Thailand I wanted to visit the beaches. When you think of Thailand in terms of a holiday destination you automatically imagine stretches of long white sandy beaches, and relaxing. After a hectic week of placement you just want to unwind and relax anyway. So last Wednesday I was discussing with one of the other students here about doing it, but we ended up just being busy. On Wednesday evening we went market shopping. Chiang Mai is famous for its impressive street markets, so we went to do some souvenir shopping, and there's so much there, it ended up being a really late night. Then on thursday we went almost straight from placement to Tiger Kingdom. Tiger Kingdom is amazing, you get to go and actually stroke tigers, it's so surreal, I have a photo of myself lying on on of the tigers backs. Anyway, Thursday is the evening that at the Gapmedics house everyone goes out for a meal, as a lot of the time it's the last time that everyone's together as some people leave on the Friday and others go off to the hill tribe experience. This meant that nothing could be booked before then. We ended up getting to Friday afternoon after placement still without having booked anything, we still really wanted to go, so we went to the wifi cafe and booked flights and a hotel around 5 hours before the flight departed, it was absolutely insane! We ended up arriving in Phuket International Airport around 1am, to which we were immediately targeted by a company selling tours, so we bought a day trip to Ko Phi Phi, which is apparently the most beautiful island in the area. Because we booked this, we managed to get our taxi to the hotel for free. Now this in itself was an adventure. Firstly the taxi driver didn't know where the hotel was, Even when we showed him the address. Eventually after getting his bearings (and asking directions a few times closer to the hotel!) we end up in this quiet, remote area, of which the hotel as down a dusty track. We got to the hotel with '24 hour reception' to find it was quiet and dark with no sign of anyone around. So naturally we knocked on the door. This was met by loud barking from a guard dog inside, which managed to wake the owner who was asleep on the sofa in the reception area. When we got inside, they hadn't received the message that we were coming, so they had to prepare a room. The room turned out to be nice, spacious and clean, so everything we needed. We ended up spending around 5 hours there until our taxi arrived to take us to the port. So Saturday turned out to be a day of touring islands, snorkelling around Monkey Island, and lunch on Ko Phi Phi Don, the bigger island. We then basically went to the beach before heading back. So when we got back to the port in Phuket, we had no hotel to go back to, so we requested to go to this hotel I'd seen on a Phuket tourism website called 'SB living places'. The hotel was so lovely, comfortable room with air con, a pool, free breakfast, restaurant, gym, rooftop bar and massage suite. We settled in and relaxed there for a bit then headed out to dinner at a restaurant we'd read about in the guide book called 'Cook'. This had Italian and Thai influences, therefore I had a Thai green curry pizza, which was actually really good, especially when followed with white chocolate mousse cake! Thailand is insane, we turned down a ride from a man on the back of his 'motorbike taxi', got photos taken of us and showed a nice israeli couple to the hotel we were staying when they couldn't find anywhere else to book a room. 

The next day we decided to visit a beach near to the airport to make it easier to get back. The beach seemed like it would be quite relaxing, which is what we wanted, so we got a bus to the area,which the driver couldn't actually find,which should have been a warning sign. The beach in itself was quiet, but too quiet, it was literally just the beach, whereas we were expecting at least one shop or restaurant in order to buy a drink or something. So after a walk down the beach, we'd started to get thirsty. It took 15 minutes and some getting lost in the forest until we found a shack out the side of the road. It served the most amazing authentic Thai food, and so cheap! We ended up paying 130 Baht (around £2.50) for us both to eat. After food we really didn't want to make the walk back to the beach, so we got a taxi to another temple. We looked round a little, got given our fortunes (albeit in Thai) and took some photos. This however really didn't fill up all afternoon, therefore, after failing to get a song tha-ou to another beach, we found a shack at the side of the road and finished our trip with ice cream, before heading back to the airport. It felt like we were properly backpacking, so not quite the relaxing weekend I was envisaging, but still great. 

This week I've been placed in the orthopaedics ward in a much larger hospital in Chiang Mai, which is giving me more trauma related experience. The first day started out with a ward round, visiting the trauma patients in the male and female wards of the orthopaedics department. As all of the cases on this ward was fractures, we managed to see a variety of fixation equipment/ braces which was pretty interesting. Yesterday I was placed in the orthopaedic OPD, in which I saw a variety of different cases. A couple of people came in with osteoporosis, needing a repeat in prescription of their normal drugs, I had a patient come in who'd had a nonunion fracture in her foot for six months that needed surgical treatment, another patient who'd experienced a compression injury in her lumbar region, causing pain in her sciatic nerve, but had also discovered a kidney stone in the x ray to diagnose. An interesting case was 2 different women of similar age, coming in for similar symptoms, neck pain radiating down thier left hand side extremities, however one had negative symptoms in a series of tests including a compression test and a weakness test in a physical examination, the other had positive. However on x ray examination, both had the same diagnosis of neck sprain, with tennis elbow, and prescribed painkillers. I also came across a couple of cases I hadn't heard of before, one having previous treatment for a condition known as meningomyoceles, a mass growing on the spinal column, and as a result had been left with a significant difference in leg length, causing her to walk with a limp. We also had a couple of patients come in with spinal chord stenosis. A final case that was interesting was a man who had had tuberculosis, which had spread to, and deformed, his spine. He'd had previous surgery to correct this, and was taking TB medication, but was concerned about a rash on his shoulder, and was referred to a dermatologist for further investigation. I learnt so much from OPD, and found it amazing how many of these cases would have been dealt with by a GP at home. The Thai healthcare system is so different, many cases just come straight to hospital, and they don't seem to have the alternatives that we have available in the uk, such as walk in clinics, GP surgeries and advice available from pharmacists.

Changing slightly today, I was on orthopaedic surgery. Which was slow, but still interesting. We managed to watch a knee replacement operation and a hip replacement, as well as seeing part of an operation to remove extra digits on a young patient presenting polydactyly, with six digits on each hand, and six and seven digits respectively on the feet.

Tomorrow I'm back in surgery, which should be pretty interesting again, but for tonight it's market time! 

3 days left, I'll keep you updated! 

XOX