It's Beginning To Get To Me...

So today I'm sleep deprived due to my moth phobia (Mottephobia, It's a real thing, I looked it up!) and very stressed about my exam tomorrow morning that I'm having some interesting symptoms, mainly being that I uncontrollably laughed at this picture for about 5 minutes...

So that doesn't bode well, luckily for me this exam only accounts for 50% of the module mark, the over being coursework which is currently on a first so it won't be the end of the world if the pressure gets to me, but I still want to do well so I'm still trying.

And in news, I have a second interview tomorrow!! this is the furthest I've gotten in 3 years on the job front so I'm remaining optimistic, without trying to pin my hopes on it too much, because even if I don't get the job, this is great interview experience, which I think I really need!

Anyway 9.30 exam in an unfamiliar location, so off to bed I go

XOX

Just Another Night.

Some late night photography inspiration ;)

And yes, they are Christmas lights!

XOX

Interviews, Exams & 1st Class Marks

Yesterday brought a new experience in way of my first group job interview, and I think it went okay. Seeing the other people in my position brought excitement rather than the usual anxiety that interviews bring. I think I was excited at the prospect of reliving when I worked in a supermarket before, and even completing one of my old tasks, brought about a nostalgia for when I lived at home and everything just seemed to be a little bit easier than it is now. We had some tasks, which were fun, I think finding someone on my course increased the excitement levels! Anyway I hope I get the job, it's a job I love, that I'm experienced at, and that I know I can do well, if only they'd give me the opportunity. I should hear by the weekend so fingers crossed!

I had the exam today that I've been dreading and it went okay :) The content was long and in some ways difficult, but lets just say that the hard work has seemed to pay off, so watch this space!

I got a 97% coursework mark back also, for spectrophotometry so that's so good as it brings some of the pressure off of Fridays exam, meaning I only need 20 something percent to pass and 40 something percent to get the 2:1 I need, this is so positive. So I'm actually reasonably relaxed, something which I didn't anticipate feeling this week!

On a more negative note, I'm fed up of being so homesick, It's not a good sensation and I really wish I could be back in Reading at the moment even if only for a day. I think it's what I need but alas, I can't do that until at least the 9th June, so I just need to persevere

9 days until freedom!

XOX

Lights.Camera.Action.

Today was insanely busy! CCK was live on BBC1 this morning, which is a HUGE deal! it's amazing, because it's not often that church, particularly the modern church gets represented on mainstream TV, and I know it caught so many people by surprise by looking at their twitter comments, some negative, but it seems that if it had no effect, they wouldn't shout so loudly about how much they protest it, the main thing is, people were thinking about it, talking about it, debating God.
So the rest of today, I was building my knowledge on Human Physiology by way of flash cards so I'm feeling slightly better but still not amazing, tomorrow's going to be an entire revision day, so time for some cramming before the exam on Wednesday.

The main reason for this post however was because I went to an event tonight called 'Christianity & Science, Incompatible?' and it was so good in that so many of my questions, so I'm going to share the basic points and some of my thoughts:

1. The Bible is the only holy book that follows scientific method, and gives a chronological order compatible with scientific evidence
The Bible is the first published book that has given evidence of a 'Big Bang' being the start of the universe, If it started it must have had a beginning and must have been created. It's also the first book that gives rise to the idea of an ever expanding universe, long before this was discovered to be scientific fact. It speaks of the laws of decay (The second law of thermodynamics) The different people writing the various books of the bible having guessed all the same events which all are supported scientifically as a coincidence has a lower chance than death by reversal of the second law of thermodynamics.
Many scientists have come to the conclusion that there was a beginning to time and space, the bible supports this by saying that God created time and space.
God constantly shapes and remoulds the earth, this is seen by the movement of tectonic plates, also which is described by the bible as how God created land. This according to scientists happened when earth was half the age that it is now, Day 3.
It can be questioned if the world is still developing new species, the fossil record gives infallible evidence of periods of speciation, extinction events and radiation of new species, however there has been no major emergences of speciation since the emergence of hominids, this correlates as 'the sixth day' where god created the humans, there is not account of the end of the seventh day, suggesting that it is still ongoing.

2. 'Days' in biblical Hebrew doesn't necessarily mean a day, it could be any period of time 
The bible needs to be taken literally, however the biblical-Hebrew of the original translation could be day, or a longer period of time, if this is a longer period of time then it is plausible that the fossil record gives evidence for being part of a previous day. This is supported by looking at Adam and Eve, when God created Eve, the bible suggests that this is a reasonable period of time as when God creates Eve, not only was Adam lonely, but he said 'At last'

3. There is no contradictions in the Bible


4. The universe is the size it is because it is the perfect size to contain the right elements to be able to sustain life


Anyway it's been pretty eye-opening to be able to see another perspective
I pray now for understanding & clarity
& for this fly to leave my room!

XOX

Productive Panic

Okay so my exam on Wednesday is worrying me ridiculously, I know no where near enough to get a decent grade and it's ironic how I spent so much time on a subject which turns out didn't require as much attention as the big one coming up on Wednesday. As confident as I am that I can pass, I fear that that is all and that terrifies me. However fear can be productive, so when I was too stressed to do some real work I did this:

This is how to be productive in times of panic, from memory I can extract everything that I need to know, but the challenge comes from the size of the topic and learning the smaller details that will get me from scraping a pass to actually getting a respectable grade, It's too late now for any real concentration, but I think that tomorrow the flashcards need to be deployed. We're live on TV at church tomorrow as well, so I'm compromising my normal lay in and will actually be ready to work before midday which is encouraging and it's nice to know that I'm not alone in this, as we're all feeling the strain

So 4 days, 1 job interview and 1 exam later, let's hope the prognosis is looking up!

XOX

Exams, Birthdays and Revision Notes

So last night was Phoebes birthday, so in Aberdeen Road fashion, we had a house party, I got the tree lights out and made some balloon flowers (due to a lack of being able to find normal balloons combined with a lack of a car to get to a supermarket) And in all honesty it looked pretty good 

Even though it's exam time, I think a break is what I needed! and last night was just so chilled after the shambles that was my evolution exam yesterday. They declined to tell us until we were in the exam hall that they'd only mark the first 2 sides of A4, I'm not sure what the purpose in this was but it made it just seem like a huge waste of time learning enough content to write a 2000 word essay when we had to limit the content so much.

But, I came home last night to find out that I got 100% in my statistics practical exam from last week, so I've already passed the module without even doing the main exam, so I only need to get 42% to get a first in that module as well, which eases the pressure so I can focus more on Human Physiology and Practical Skills which look like they will be more difficult so that's positive! 

Anyway I think I need to stop procrastinating and actually get on with some work

XOX

Tick Tock.

Today I had my first presentation at uni and I found the experience to be both intriguing and frustrating simultaneously. Firstly, it can be so humiliating standing up there, when your public speaking skill suck as much as mine do, like wanting to be able to put your point across, I have a very slight speech impediment which in ordinary situations I'm okay, but that mixed with nerves basically caused a stutter which really sucked. It's a little bit worrying, not that I'm worried I won't pass the module (I need 10% in the presentation) but just that this method on basically being assessed on confidence and how loud you can shout, being weighted the same as countless hours of revision for an exam. I found myself so ridiculously stressed about it and not actually worrying about the content which seems like unnecessary pressure in exam season. Still I know that I should respect authority, and I hope that now I've done this I'll be better next time. It just seems like a recurrent cycle of nerves fuelling my lisp which worrying about fuels further anxiety.
On a better note, I have my first exam tomorrow, and not only is it the one I want so desperately to get out of the way because its 100%, but finally I'm actually feeling okay about it

Now, it's almost 2AM and I'm still wide awake, I can hear my clock ticking and I know that I need to drift off, but it's not happening, so looks like I'm consuming an unholy amount of Red Bull tomorrow to carry me through

11 hours to go.

XOX

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

So I went to an event tonight named as above, and actually I surprised myself by getting pretty upset. It went over basically things I've had to learn all by myself over the past 5 years but I wanted to share my comments on the subject.

1. Firstly we don't know why people suffer in most instances, but if we knew, would you feel better about it? Probably not, it'd still be painful, just as before, what you want is a cure
2. God is with us every step of the way, the quote that immediately came to mind was 'when you cry, God cries too.' This reminded me of the peace we felt at that bedside 5 years ago, and although that was the worst moment from my 20 years, we weren't alone in this, and neither was she, her face fell into a natural smile, and I can't describe the feeling, but through the whole thing it was like we were being held
3. One day, death pain and suffering will be a memory, much like the flashbacks and the nightmares...
4. God is constantly training us for things, and he constantly challenges us to build us in relationship with him and to make us more like Jesus, he does this in ways that sometimes, heck often we don't understand right away, or even at all.

Most of all I'm grateful that we had 16 years, not the 3 the doctors anticipated.

So as hard as this is to understand, and even as hard as this is to write, this is why I need to keep hoping.

Even if this goal seems to some illogical and non-existent
I will keep believing

XOX

Heatwave Day 3!

Guess where I revised today!

Such a chilled out way of revising, so after a couple of hours of evolution revision we went into the sea, climbed onto some rocks and jumped in it was amazing, so me and Tommy swam (yes swam, in Britain!) out for ages. It made me reflect. Working today I think I absorbed more in 2 hours of revising and just relaxing and doing some exercise than I would with 5 hours of frantic staring at notes and nothing sinking in. So I feel pretty relaxed today, and more importantly I feel like I actually know what I'm talking about, so 48 hours time doesn't seem so scary anymore! Tomorrows going to be pretty full on so I think it's good not to be worrying too much and fingers crossed for the exam on Friday, but I think I'll be okay :)

Until next time,

XOX

'It's Always Sunny in Brighton'

So today I went to the park to revise evolution, the sun was on my back (gave me heat rash :/) and I've been ridiculously chilled today which makes me so happy. My poor arms which never usually gets sun, got burnt but all in all today's been a good day. I love Brighton in summertime, it can't help but make you smile and there's so much happening, performers, men in capes and people sunbathing EVERYWHERE! So today staying inside to revise was not an option. But as much as I enjoyed it, I do kind of wish we'd been on the beach, going in the sea right now would be so amazing. Despite the heat however (which was mildly uncomfortable) I'm actually feeling so much better about my exam on Friday.

Also good news on the job front, I have an interview next week! I'm not getting excited because I've been through this before, still it's one step closer than I've gotten for a while which is really positive! 

So the sun brought a good day, and an opportunity to drag out the camera!

Here's hoping for an amazing week =D

XOX

This is how you revise!

Revise.Eat.Revise.Uni.Revise.Don'tSleep. Revise.Stress.Revise.

Since starting my AS levels, I've found exams ridiculously taxing because exams lead to results which can lead to disappointment with can lead to stress and decisions and alternative plans. This is what terrifies me, so many people say 'it's only first year, it doesn't count' but there's something these people don't realise is if you only aim for 40%, chances are you're going to get under that then have to resit. I personally want to forget entirely about these exams when they're done, until I get given my results and then not have to stress over the same exam again. I know as well I always have a back-up plan in case I don't get to where I need to go, but that is the result of re-evaluations that I made in sixth-form, all of which require me to complete this degree. If I don't pass these exams, then I can't progress to second year, which would just be catastrophic. This is unlikely based on my current grades but still, it's stressful. So stressful that I've turned into this horribly emotional person who goes from extreme excitement to snapping at the slightest thing. So new plan. Be cool and relaxed, stick to a plan because even a little bit of organisation can calm me down. The new plan is chick flicks and revision. I bought a deli- counter chicken tikka masala too so my night is already looking better!

Here's hoping I sleep better tonight!

XOX

Current Prognosis

(Already, 2 1st class, 2 2:1, 1 2:2)

Basic Pharmacology, 40% completed, 70%

Evolutionary Biology (Pending)

Genetics, 50% completed, 70%

Human Physiology (pending)

Introduction to Statistics, 25% completed, 96%

Practical Skills in Bioscience, 20% completed, 64%,74%

I Heart Brighton!

I think it was right that I 'sidetracked' here, Brighton is such a beautiful, amazing city that I'm so glad that I'm a part of!

I took this photo in March, on Grand Junction Road. No matter what stereotype Brighton has, all can agree that this looks epic. Brighton I've found to be such an accepting city, of people of ideas of everything, so unlike other cities in the UK.  It's so buzzing and vibrant, whilst still retaining the charm of an old Victorian seaside resort with its pebble beach and iconic pier. The photographer in me would go on and on about how I love how visually interesting Brighton is, from the interesting views to the colourful people and one of the only places that's not Reading that I may one day even refer to as home. I'd never even been to Brighton before my university open day and I just absolutely fell in love! The uni isn't the best one I applied for, or even the best one I got into, but I'm so glad I'm here. Its been so easy to settle into life, settle in academically, find some amazing friends and find an amazing church. The whole situation has been engineered by God to take me to this place which is so well.. me, and He pretty much made sure I wasn't going ANYWHERE when it came to him, and that's also why he gave me Sarah. God's given me a passion for this city and I just have the desire to immerse myself in it for the service of others. He's blessed me with a serving heart, and I think this is where He needs to use me right now. God's doing great work in this city, despite how many issues and how much diversity in opinion exists,
I can feel it...

XOX

Hello Insomnia!

So due to exam period coming up, my brain has decided to bring me a little present, stress- induced insomnia!(I mentioned my little freak-out earlier in my other blog). This is an incredibly annoying trait I have, and has kept me up for 36 straight hours of trying to drift off on previous occasions.So being the geek I am, instead of trying to solve my insomnia by a combination of aids to help me try and sleep, like herbal aids (In the absence of medical sedatives), Temperature, removing all stimuli, visual and audio, (nothing worse than staring at a dark ceiling in a silent house) I research what chemical processes in my brain must be occurring to make me feel this way. I did Psychology at A-Level and it was my favourite subject, encouraged by the fact that my sixth form college taught it as a science rather than an art which made it just clinical enough for my liking. Anyway, we did a topic on sleep in our second year, which I found so interesting, particularly (ironically enough) disorders of sleep. This led me to be the only one in my year to pick it as my topic for the end of year exam (as well as providing me with the opportunity to maintain my solid B-grade)
Anyway, I found the answer to why I'm feeling like this in Neuropsychopharmacology, that explains stress induced insomnia being caused by increased stress levels leading to an increase in corticotropin- releasing hormone which interacts with the central nervous system affecting the normal circadian rhythm (initiating physiological waking rhythms) and inhibiting sleep. So yeah, that's what's wrong with me tonight. Still... won't help me get any sleep.
Anyway tomorrow should be another day, unfortunately for me, I think it's all going to flow into one because I don't feel like I'm going to go any time soon.
I think I may just become nocturnal, It can't disrupt my circadian rhythm much more!

I'll blog soon, probably tonight if I remain this bored and this awake!
XOX

A Plan! (I think)

Right so the summer break is drawing so close, and soon I'm going back home to Reading for 4 months so I think I need a summer plan to be able to organise myself and maximise my chances of getting into medical school. They are:

1. Go back and ask my old boss if he could give me some shifts over summer
2. Visit the family GP to try and arrange some work experience of sorts in order to actually get some direct experience along with general volunteering with various groups of people
3. Continue applying for jobs in Brighton, but online, to try and lines something up before the new term and moving into the new house
4. Try and get a week of direct shadowing in RSUH as this would be absolutely incredible to actually do some related work to my chosen profession

This will be difficult due to how introverted I can be, but part of being a doctor is the ability to work with people and interact, so I'm going to have to get over this aversion ASAP.

Wish me luck!

XOX

Another Day, Another Job Rejection

When I was growing up, the whole notion if getting a job seemed so simple, you go to school and then one day you grow up and you choose a job which you do until you retire. It's just not that easy, It's so difficult applying for jobs that you know you can do if only someone somewhere would give you the opportunity. It makes me start to think, all of these people who achieve more than me, who get farther than me, they must have aspects which make them far more employable, even in this big city. I worked at Tesco for two years and finding that job took a year, and I told myself that it would never be as hard as this again, which if you think about it seems really naive. It's always going to be difficult, and the key is in perseverance even in spite of so much discouragement, but I think today I've realised, this is a big thing for me but it's so small in comparison to what God can do. Nothing is impossible for him and I have to trust him in that he will find me a place in time which will justify all of the waiting all of the disappointment. I've had so many rejections in which I've thought the position was ideal for me, and then realised later on that I would have struggled with either missing church, rushing away from uni or having such late finishing times that it would have meant being sleep deprived in my 9am lectures. This will happen for me in time, but for now I pray and I trust and I wait.

I think 'nothing is too big for God' has been the theme for my day. My boyfriend Adam came to visit this weekend, which was great. He came down because he wanted to visit the London to Brighton mini run which he's wanted to do since he got into mini's when he was like 17/18 and I think we used it as a bit of an excuse, because it's become so difficult to move from a relationship where we saw each other so much to a relationship where he's over 100 miles away back home and I'm here. Anyway we had an absolutely amazing weekend but it gave little time for revision which has dominated almost every waking moment for the last few weeks so when he left this afternoon, I panicked. I decided to revise some of my evolution and I just thought through the whole thing and thought I didn't know any of this! I have 5 days to learn an entire module. Sarah, my house mate came home from work and I was a right state, I didn't want to go to church I wanted to sit and crank out a couple of thousand words of revision notes and crashed around midnight before waking up to drag myself to my lecture, but as usual God intervened. The internet completely crashed making me incapable of doing revision, this along with Sarah telling me that what I really needed was prayer I think was the kick I needed! Back to point, I think church was the only thing that was going to calm me down tonight, and I could just feel God telling me to calm down and  although this is hugeeeee for me, nothing is too big for him, and I think I realise that now. A quote I once heard was 'We have a lot to do today, so I'm going to have to pray for 3 hours instead of the usual 2' (or something like that) and I think if I have this kind of philosophy then I'm going to have a much better chance of aceing these exams and making it into my second year. I would also just love to have that much dedication, definitely a prayer point! I need to trust in God, because when you trust in God, stuff happens.

Challenge Accepted!
XOX

An Introduction

I think the best possible thing I can do here is introduce this blog. At the moment I study at Brighton University. I've wanted to be a doctor since I was 14 years old. So this ambition isn't a passing one, it's a real ambition. An ambition to which I'm not going into closed minded. And it isn't an ambition I've based on watching far too many reruns of scrubs!
When I was 14, I watched someone I loved very much pass away in front of me. I'm aware of the limitations of medicine but this was so hard to watch and only being 14, heck it would be the same being any age, I found the experience so hard to fathom, but it also stirred something in me. It stirred an ambition to not only do the best that I possibly could to either prevent this happening for other people, or make it as easy as I could for other people who went through what I did and more importantly, what she did. This kind of experience forces a maturity that is thrust upon you, and in a way it feels like when someone throws a bucket of ice over you, it's cold and sobering.
This is combined with my attribute of being a bit of a science geek, and my determination in not giving up when I realised I couldn't get into medicine when I was 18 is exactly why I think I could do this, heck I know I can do this!
I have a huge series of events that I need to complete before doing this from finding more continuous voluntary work to the actual event of applying in just over a year,


I'll keep you posted!

XOX