It's the festive period so I'm inspired to write a new blog post. Unfortunately I won't be playing on festivities and baubles or even Christmas food. More like the disappointment this holiday can bring, not by failing to be an adequate one, but failing to reach the exceptionally high expectations that come with it. I don't feel full of Christmas cheer, it doesn't particularly feel like a magical season and the only thing I really feel like doing tomorrow is reading papers for my research project. Christmas as an adult, who doesn't have or particularly want children right now is as far removed from the typical festive season we're fed as a product of marketing and commercialisation of this holiday.
I remember Christmas 11 years ago particularly well, being old enough to not believe in Santa any more but young enough that your parents still think you might, so you do the whole thing of putting out food for Santa and the reindeers, a stocking at the end of the bed. Hiding the main presents around the house. The relatives come round for dinner, or even just pop in and out - this is the first year in without my nan, who has been there for almost all of the Christmas' I've had in my lifetime, so it will be strange, but the Christmas that sticks out in my memory she was very much present - as in the period I would describe as her still being herself. I think the main thing I miss about Christmases as a child though, and not just the one I'm describing, is having my partner in crime around too. See as children we would bicker, but as we approached teenage years it got to the point where she knew me just as well, potentially even better than I know myself, and ever since she's been gone, it really hasn't been the same. I don't know if the loss of this is entirely due to the loss of her, or what went with it. I lost my naivety, my childlike spirit around Christmas 8 years ago, along with my best friend, and it's been replaced with this indifference and cynicism that I don't know how to rectify. But maybe this is a result of 1 Christmas of such heavy losses, or maybe it would have happened anyway - a loss of excitement coinciding with a gain in maturity, that I would have experienced anyway, just perhaps not so rushed if it hadn't been thrust upon me, leaving this interpretation that Christmas is for children or the people who have them,
Anyway - enough psychoanalysis of the festive period. Tomorrow I will spend my Christmas contemplating what it's really about, as an alternative to the materialistic one that we seem to be more and more subjected to. Additionally, perhaps positively reflect on Christmases gone by and remind myself of how amazing this period actually can be. Plus the food. The food is great.
Merry Christmas All!
XOX
I remember Christmas 11 years ago particularly well, being old enough to not believe in Santa any more but young enough that your parents still think you might, so you do the whole thing of putting out food for Santa and the reindeers, a stocking at the end of the bed. Hiding the main presents around the house. The relatives come round for dinner, or even just pop in and out - this is the first year in without my nan, who has been there for almost all of the Christmas' I've had in my lifetime, so it will be strange, but the Christmas that sticks out in my memory she was very much present - as in the period I would describe as her still being herself. I think the main thing I miss about Christmases as a child though, and not just the one I'm describing, is having my partner in crime around too. See as children we would bicker, but as we approached teenage years it got to the point where she knew me just as well, potentially even better than I know myself, and ever since she's been gone, it really hasn't been the same. I don't know if the loss of this is entirely due to the loss of her, or what went with it. I lost my naivety, my childlike spirit around Christmas 8 years ago, along with my best friend, and it's been replaced with this indifference and cynicism that I don't know how to rectify. But maybe this is a result of 1 Christmas of such heavy losses, or maybe it would have happened anyway - a loss of excitement coinciding with a gain in maturity, that I would have experienced anyway, just perhaps not so rushed if it hadn't been thrust upon me, leaving this interpretation that Christmas is for children or the people who have them,
Anyway - enough psychoanalysis of the festive period. Tomorrow I will spend my Christmas contemplating what it's really about, as an alternative to the materialistic one that we seem to be more and more subjected to. Additionally, perhaps positively reflect on Christmases gone by and remind myself of how amazing this period actually can be. Plus the food. The food is great.
Merry Christmas All!
XOX
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