Reflections on 3 Years of Biomed

I sat yesterday, staring at the final piece of coursework for my degree, and stressing over the fact that I have 2 weeks until my first exam, and I feel unprepared. This made me think back to my first year, the time when I actually started this blog, and reflect on how I thought I was stressed back then. Stressed about passing level 4, of which the grade didn't even count towards my final degree classification. It made me smile and feel nostalgic for those days. Things were completely different then, and in a way they felt so simple. A time where I don't think I fully appreciated how much free time I had, I didn't even have a job back then, all of my time was mine. I wanted medicine so badly, which was seconded by how badly I wanted things to work out in terms of my, even back then starting to go sour, relationship. I was desperately holding on to who I was when I was 16, despite the fact that everything around me had changed and as a result I could feel myself changing with it.

On top of that I was settling into a new city, feeling homesick often enough for me to jump on a train and travel home whenever I felt like it. Now this city feels like home, and although I feel like I'm ready for a new challenge, I'm really going to miss living here. I love Brighton, especially how vibrant it is, how much there is to do here, how beautiful it is, and most importantly the experiences I've had here.

Now I'm finishing level 6 - my final year. Understandably I'm stressed out, but I've really enjoyed this degree, and coming so close to graduating, I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to put it behind me quite yet. I've met some amazing people here, people who represent some of my very best friends now, and I've grown up, realised that change isn't always a bad thing, sometimes it makes life much richer.

I've changed my attitude on medicine too, trying and failing for the first time has made me far more realistic about the possibility of getting in. It's also made me question myself. Finally, instead of pursuing something out of habit, a 8 year long thought process, I'm able to think critically again about the pros and cons of pursuing this career path, and I feel like I'm able to explore my options and decide on if I still want to do this in summer when I've cleared my mind from coursework and exams. I won't go into the reasoning here, I've already blogged about it.

My last reflection is on this blog itself, I really hope I've managed to create a realistic account of what it's like to  be a medicine hopeful, and the fact that it isn't easy. It's always good to be reflective of where you've come from and actually learn from those experiences.

I'm going to pursue a masters degree for next year, it feels like the right move for me and it'll put me in a great position no matter what I decide my next move is, whether that be medicine, or if I decide to pursue research instead.

For now you'll either be bombarded with several blog posts with me procrastinating, or there'll be complete radio silence.

XOX

Reapplying to Medicine, Do or Don't

If I'm answering honestly, the answer I've been leaning towards most recently is the latter. It's not that I don't want to be a doctor anymore, I really do. But it's not the only thing that I want to do with my life. That's not in terms of a career, medicine I'm still entirely set on, if a career was all that I wanted my life to be about.

The reality I'm faced with now is that I'm 22, and the earliest that I could possibly do medicine if all went right is 23. Add on top of that 4 years of medical school and 2 foundation years, and suddenly I'm not trained until I'm in my late twenties. Whilst this is happening all of my friends are settling down, earning money, getting a mortgage and generally just starting their lives. It feels a lot like I would be postponing life in order to pursue something in which every stage is so challenging.

So this was my thought process until Tuesday. So why was Tuesday different? Well I went to the anatomy lab of the medical school, and that changed things. It served as a reminder of what I could have if I continued to work hard at it, if I continued to make sacrifices for it, and it's amazing. It's the only thing I've ever really wanted to do, and I know I can be introverted, but when I'm so passionate about something, I'd put my everything into it, which is why I'd make a good doctor. I'd put everything I am into it, all I would need is the opportunity.

So in honesty, I'm still torn. How do you choose between your career aims and the aims for your personal life? I always used to think everything was so black and white, either you wanted something or you didn't. But this is pretty speckled with areas of grey.

So my plan for now: work insanely hard for the next few weeks and then enjoy my summer. I've spent 3 years doing my undergraduate degree, and worked insanely hard, I need a break. After this, when I have to leave Brighton, I'm going to decide if I'm going to reapply to medicine next year ad put myself though the process again, or I'd change my aims and go for medical research - my second choice.

Wish me luck in obtaining clarity!!

XOX