Festive Cynicism

It's the festive period so I'm inspired to write a new blog post. Unfortunately I won't be playing on festivities and baubles or even Christmas food. More like the disappointment this holiday can bring, not by failing to be an adequate one, but failing to reach the exceptionally high expectations that come with it. I don't feel full of Christmas cheer, it doesn't particularly feel like a magical season and the only thing I really feel like doing tomorrow is reading papers for my research project. Christmas as an adult, who doesn't have or particularly want children right now is as far removed from the typical festive season we're fed as a product of marketing and commercialisation of this holiday.

I remember Christmas 11 years ago particularly well, being old enough to not believe in Santa any more but young enough that your parents still think you might, so you do the whole thing of  putting out food for Santa and the reindeers, a stocking at the end of the bed. Hiding the main presents around the house. The relatives come round for dinner, or even just pop in and out - this is the first year in without my nan, who has been there for almost all of the Christmas' I've had in my lifetime, so it will be strange, but the Christmas that sticks out in my memory she was very much present - as in the period I would describe as her still being herself. I think the main thing I miss about Christmases as a child though, and not just the one I'm describing, is having my partner in crime around too. See as children we would bicker, but as we approached teenage years it got to the point where she knew me just as well, potentially even better than I know myself, and ever since she's been gone, it really hasn't been the same. I don't know if the loss of this is entirely due to the loss of her, or what went with it. I lost my naivety, my childlike spirit around Christmas 8 years ago, along with my best friend, and it's been replaced with this indifference and cynicism that I don't know how to rectify. But maybe this is a result of 1 Christmas of such heavy losses, or maybe it would have happened anyway - a loss of excitement coinciding with a gain in maturity, that I would have experienced anyway, just perhaps not so rushed if it hadn't been thrust upon me, leaving this interpretation that Christmas is for children or the people who have them,

Anyway - enough psychoanalysis of the festive period. Tomorrow I will spend my Christmas contemplating what it's really about, as an alternative to the materialistic one that we seem to be more and more subjected to. Additionally, perhaps positively reflect on Christmases gone by and remind myself of how amazing this period actually can be. Plus the food. The food is great.

Merry Christmas All!

XOX

How to Heal a Broken Heart

When I was 14, I lost my sister, and this was the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

But an ending like this isn't the end of the story, at least not for the ones who are left behind. I felt like my heart completely shattered. I literally felt numb. And on top of this there's no instructions on how to rebuild, you just struggle through somehow. So how do people do this? Some throw themselves into their work, focus on something time-consuming and in many ways seems pretty arbitrary. An alternative to this is to through yourself into relationships, find someone who loves you and will help you stick the pieces back together with time. You can throw yourself into trying to make the world right in whichever way you see fit, try and heal a disease, or raise awareness for your cause, change policies and work for things which are now very close to your heart. The other alternative to this is to throw yourself into a religion, seek a relationship with the divine, which in itself can bring a lot of comfort in giving promise of something so much more than the very impermanent world we live in. I think I've experienced almost everyone of these at some point over the last 8 years, and I couldn't say that I feel 'fixed'. Not by a long shot.

But if you look into this further, what criteria is there to define a person as 'broken'. A quick Google search gives words such as 'dejected' or 'accumulation of irreputable damage' or 'difficulty letting people in'. My personal opinion is that broken in the context of a person is the feeling of not quite being whole, for whatever reason. But the kind of beautiful thing about feeling this way is that you'll never be alone in feeling like this. So many people are a little broken in so many different ways, and in lots of ways there's a feeling of resonance of people who've been through a similar experience, almost a sense of comradery in talking about all these things that your other friends have absolutely no way of understanding, and there's absolutely no way you'd want them to either.

Feeling broken has a way of changing who you are too. You lose so many friendships because people don't know how to communicate with you so the easiest thing is to avoid the situation. I found I had absolutely no time for problems I considered to be minute, especially within the first year, that I found it almost impossible in lots of ways to communicate with my peers. But the friends who stick become these amazing people who were there for you when you felt like your world had ended. Who walk with you and help you to pick up the pieces when you felt like you couldn't do this by yourself. When it comes to relationships, I particularly have found it very difficult to let someone get close, and when you do you find it incredibly frightening because the future always seems so uncertain and I feel incapable of taking anything like that for granted any more. But the right person can make you feel so loved and secure at the same time that at times you almost feel whole. It feels just like an emotional bandage.

8 years on, I can almost feel myself mending, but there'll always be emotional scars from what happened to me. You get to the point where you can look back and not see what happened but look back fondly and smile on the time you did get. I appreciate that I got to spend almost my entire childhood being guided by one of the most fantastic people I've ever known, someone who according to medical professionals at the time, shouldn't have lived long enough for me to remember them.

My current thinking is that even after so much time, it's really okay not to be okay. It's okay to not get over something or to get upset or even feel scared about something that's already happened. I used to have so many nightmares in which the thing I was scared of had already happened. I've also been thinking how much my life has been influenced by what happened. I've got this incredible compassion for people and a drive that makes me want to save the world almost, which I quench by embarking on really varied volunteering opportunities. I might not have pursued medicine, but gone into something in the field of maths, or maybe history or psychology. Perhaps I would have wanted to do law. Maybe that would have meant that I would have gone to a different university, so maybe I wouldn't have met some of the people who are now some of my best friends, not to mention my current partner. Perhaps I wouldn't be in London right now, but I'd actually be in some other city living some completely different life. Or maybe in some round about way I'd be exactly where I am now. Probably somewhere in between.

I feel like I've been misleading in this blog, so I'll round it up with that I actually don't know the answer to the titular question. I don't know how to mend a broken heart. I wish I could give you a promise of some magic pill that will permanently make everything feel so much better (not a temporary numbness that many try to achieve with alcohol). People seek solace in many different pursuits and I think that my current opinion is that I can't fix my broken heart completely so I'll study the heart as an organ and try and fix other peoples. But although it's a cliché, the best medicine for a broken heart is time.

When I was 14, I lost my sister, and it was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. But I'm okay.

XOX

London Calling!

So I've done it, taken a massive step and done like so many others have attempted before me. I moved to the capital! So let me just explain exactly what I'm doing here because apparently I didn't realise this until I started explaining my decisions to people who didn't know what was going on with me.

I've decided to undertake a masters in Cardiovascular Research at King's College London. In the recent QS rankings it ranked an extremely impressive number 16 worldwide, with only 5 other UK institutions beating it. this is phenomenal, so I guess one of the primary reasons that I'm here is to gain a world class education. Secondly, King's is excellent for Cardiovascular research, having earned an award from the BHF for research excellence, being one of only 2 universities to do so. I'm absolutely fascinated by the cardiovascular system, and the opportunity to be able to study it intricately whilst developing my practical skills, which - lets face it, are poor, if being described optimistically, was too good to pass up. This is going to be really beneficial for me for a number of reasons. I could go into medical research... and this degree would equip me to do so. Or if i decide that I actually want to pursue medicine again, this could help me to become a researching consultant specialising in Cardiology, both of which would be a pretty amazing job! Right now I'm not sure if I want to apply for medicine again. I'd love to study it, but the idea of 4 years more studying is a little daunting, so next year I'm going to take some time out and decide for certain if this is what I want to do. And if it still is after pursuing the over options available to me, then I will throw myself whole heartedly into it!

As for London - London is big and unfriendly and scary, but as many existential crises I've had since I've been here (Yes - plural!) I can walk through this city now and get excited about what it has to offer. I can find museums I want to go to with my housemates, or find lots of quirky, very London-esque restaurants to take my significant over too, and nice compact metropolitan areas perfect for taking friends from outside of the city. This is city is going to take hold of me and I think by the end of this year I'll feel like a brash 'typical Londoner' I'm just hoping I don't lose the friendly parts of me that have developed from being a from a large town!

Here's to new adventures!

XOX

Choosing Your Adventures

Do you ever feel the need to just take off? I mean I felt this in second year, and I was determined that the reasoning for this was to escape. I was stressed about exams, my job. The relationship I had at the time was pretty bad at this point and I was finding it hard to cope. This feeling didn't really go away until the summer afterwards, and I thought it was just that I was less stressed, but now looking back at it I think it was because I went to Thailand. This was probably one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. But now, exactly one year on, I'm feeling this itch again.

It's started by feeling dissatisfied. I'm starting my masters in a couple of weeks and the whole process of organising it has been so stressful. On top of this, actually studying my masters is going to be just as stressful. I've been feeling like I don't want to do anything, and the feeling of being so disinterested in everything has been pretty horrendous. I mean I have everything I thought I wanted, so what is wrong with me? I want to travel again. This time closer to home however. I want to travel around Europe - Barcelona, Berlin, Italy, Prague, Russia, Croatia, Belgium, Amsterdam. You name it, I probably would rather be there than anywhere in the UK at the moment. I even kind of want to do it alone again too. There's something so liberating about travelling alone, meeting people you're probably not going to talk to again, having completely new and amazing experiences, and they're yours. I'm dreaming about this and it's gotten to the point in which going to London, something I always said I wanted to do, is leaving me feeling trapped. I know I'm being ridiculous, but I think this is part of who I am. I want to explore everywhere, and the fact that I cannot do any more for over a year is making me feel pretty bad.

Again though, London will be an adventure, and I'm feeling anxious about it, but I think this might be a good kind of anxious. It's a new chapter and a once in a lifetime experience. So I should be more excited right?

I'm hoping this will change, I'll probably be there in a weeks time!

Here's to experiences!

XOX

Graduated!!

3 days ago I had my (first) graduation ceremony, Check it out :D

To be able to say that I have a degree in Biomedical Science, a good degree at that, opens up so many doors! I'd be lying if I said that I'm not a little disappointed that I won't be starting medicine this year, but I'm excited for what the future brings. I'll be starting my MSc in Cardiovascular Research in a little under 2 months time, and this will help with really preparing me for both if I decide not to pursue medicine at a later date and embarked on a career in medical research, and if I do decide to pursue medicine, it will be an excellent tool to use in both following the specialism (cardiology) in which I would like to train, as well as equipping me with research skills, which I'm finding more and more I want to be a part of the career I'm involved in.

In terms of ambition, I've always been cautious, or as cautious as anyone wanting to pursue medicine can be! I've had my share of setbacks and disappointment, which has led me to not really expect too much of myself. I always kind of envisioned myself working quietly as a trained doctor but never really progressing. Now, I kind of want to be a consultant, dividing my time between working with patients and actively researching my field Maybe it's just a pipedream, but everyone needs an aim.

As for medicine 2015, I'm around 90% sure that I won't be reapplying this year. Partaking in a masters is costly, and I think it'll be beneficial for me to pay back some of that loan first before getting myself in even more debt with medicine! It'll give me time to decide with absolute certainty that this is what I want.

For now, Lots of work to do!

XOX

[Inability to come up with inventive new titles for blog posts so stole an old one]

Having a typical attack of insomnia and feeling horrendous today anyway so I might as well update on here.

So since I last left you I've completed my exams, and found out that I'm graduating with a 2:1 degree. I know this is an achievement, particularly in a subject like mine, but I can't help but feel slightly disappointed because a few differences and I could have walked away with a first. One of the hardest things to deal with in this case is that I can't do anything to change it now. All through my degree there was always another module, another exam, something that could give me the opportunity to make my grade higher, but now that's it. It's done. 

I've also made a decision concerning the next year of my life. I'm not reapplying to medicine this year. It's expensive, and failing having an expansive pit of money at my disposal, I can't really afford to do both that and a masters degree. I will be studying cardiovascular research at Kings College, with a view to hopefully getting myself a job afterwards, if only to earn some money before returning to be a student. This is going to be an entirely new challenge, and one I can't particularly bring myself to look forward to whilst I'm still tying off all the loose ends of my life here in Brighton but I think it'll be something really positive.

Anyway graduating next week, then moving back home for a while, which should prove interesting! 

To pressing forward! 

XOX

Reflections on 3 Years of Biomed

I sat yesterday, staring at the final piece of coursework for my degree, and stressing over the fact that I have 2 weeks until my first exam, and I feel unprepared. This made me think back to my first year, the time when I actually started this blog, and reflect on how I thought I was stressed back then. Stressed about passing level 4, of which the grade didn't even count towards my final degree classification. It made me smile and feel nostalgic for those days. Things were completely different then, and in a way they felt so simple. A time where I don't think I fully appreciated how much free time I had, I didn't even have a job back then, all of my time was mine. I wanted medicine so badly, which was seconded by how badly I wanted things to work out in terms of my, even back then starting to go sour, relationship. I was desperately holding on to who I was when I was 16, despite the fact that everything around me had changed and as a result I could feel myself changing with it.

On top of that I was settling into a new city, feeling homesick often enough for me to jump on a train and travel home whenever I felt like it. Now this city feels like home, and although I feel like I'm ready for a new challenge, I'm really going to miss living here. I love Brighton, especially how vibrant it is, how much there is to do here, how beautiful it is, and most importantly the experiences I've had here.

Now I'm finishing level 6 - my final year. Understandably I'm stressed out, but I've really enjoyed this degree, and coming so close to graduating, I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to put it behind me quite yet. I've met some amazing people here, people who represent some of my very best friends now, and I've grown up, realised that change isn't always a bad thing, sometimes it makes life much richer.

I've changed my attitude on medicine too, trying and failing for the first time has made me far more realistic about the possibility of getting in. It's also made me question myself. Finally, instead of pursuing something out of habit, a 8 year long thought process, I'm able to think critically again about the pros and cons of pursuing this career path, and I feel like I'm able to explore my options and decide on if I still want to do this in summer when I've cleared my mind from coursework and exams. I won't go into the reasoning here, I've already blogged about it.

My last reflection is on this blog itself, I really hope I've managed to create a realistic account of what it's like to  be a medicine hopeful, and the fact that it isn't easy. It's always good to be reflective of where you've come from and actually learn from those experiences.

I'm going to pursue a masters degree for next year, it feels like the right move for me and it'll put me in a great position no matter what I decide my next move is, whether that be medicine, or if I decide to pursue research instead.

For now you'll either be bombarded with several blog posts with me procrastinating, or there'll be complete radio silence.

XOX

Reapplying to Medicine, Do or Don't

If I'm answering honestly, the answer I've been leaning towards most recently is the latter. It's not that I don't want to be a doctor anymore, I really do. But it's not the only thing that I want to do with my life. That's not in terms of a career, medicine I'm still entirely set on, if a career was all that I wanted my life to be about.

The reality I'm faced with now is that I'm 22, and the earliest that I could possibly do medicine if all went right is 23. Add on top of that 4 years of medical school and 2 foundation years, and suddenly I'm not trained until I'm in my late twenties. Whilst this is happening all of my friends are settling down, earning money, getting a mortgage and generally just starting their lives. It feels a lot like I would be postponing life in order to pursue something in which every stage is so challenging.

So this was my thought process until Tuesday. So why was Tuesday different? Well I went to the anatomy lab of the medical school, and that changed things. It served as a reminder of what I could have if I continued to work hard at it, if I continued to make sacrifices for it, and it's amazing. It's the only thing I've ever really wanted to do, and I know I can be introverted, but when I'm so passionate about something, I'd put my everything into it, which is why I'd make a good doctor. I'd put everything I am into it, all I would need is the opportunity.

So in honesty, I'm still torn. How do you choose between your career aims and the aims for your personal life? I always used to think everything was so black and white, either you wanted something or you didn't. But this is pretty speckled with areas of grey.

So my plan for now: work insanely hard for the next few weeks and then enjoy my summer. I've spent 3 years doing my undergraduate degree, and worked insanely hard, I need a break. After this, when I have to leave Brighton, I'm going to decide if I'm going to reapply to medicine next year ad put myself though the process again, or I'd change my aims and go for medical research - my second choice.

Wish me luck in obtaining clarity!!

XOX 

How to cope if you don't get into Medical School

I'm writing this blog now, and then I'll post it when I feel like I'm ready to talk about it to people. But I didn't get into med school this year. I know that it's insanely competitive, and I did really well to get to the interview stage, but it's still pretty gutting to get this far only to fall at the last hurdle (In terms of admissions anyway).

So what are my thoughts:

I think they're pretty normal things to think when you're in this situation!

1. 'Can I handle going through this kind of rejection again?' 
It's a massive thing when you aim for your dream only to get told that you can't do it right now, I mean it's really-soul destroying. Things in life don't always go the way you would have hoped for, and sometimes there are massive hurdles, disappointments and moments when you just want to give up, but I think this is part of what makes us human. The important thing is how you react to it. So the answer to the above question is yes. I can handle this. Why? Because I've already handled it before And it's for what I really want, and if I get there all of the disappointment, feeling rejected generally rubbish, and most importantly all of the hard work would have been so worth it. I think it's also important to learn from this situation. Work out the instances in which your application was weak, and improve it - get that extra work experience, improve those interview skills, completely destroy the UKCAT, whatever it takes.

2. 'Am I certain this is really what I want to do?'
Going through this kind of situation really separates applicants with this question. Is it what I want? If you're thinking 'oh well, I'll become a scientist, musician, counsellor, literary genius instead' without much thought or disappointment, then the answer is probably no, and to go and pursue another career path. But if you do what I did and stare at the final rejection email thinking 'but the only thing I want to do is this' then it's probably a good idea to persevere. If you think you'd be just as happy in another career path, that one would probably be easier to pursue!

3. 'What if everyone is disappointed in me?'
Let them be disappointed! The likelihood is that they won't be, medicine is an incredibly hard course to get onto, and many great doctors didn't get in on their first attempt. In all honestly, if you're good enough to even be considered as a potential medical student, then you've done pretty well for yourself.

4. 'What do I do now?'
Now the best situation would be to pursue something that would beef up your application next time around. My personal plan is to hopefully do a masters degree, explore an area of medicine that interests me and also continue setting up a life I could have if I theoretically never got into medicine. This would make me more favourable academically, as well as freeing me up some time to increase the amount of voluntary work on my personal statement which would be great. I think this is a really good plan, however it's not for everyone, so do what you need to do - get a job (medical or not, either can be used to increase skills you'd use as a doctor), go travelling - enriched life experiences look great on a personal statement, especially doing what I did and working in a hospital abroad. The experience is absolutely amazing and I would seriously recommend it to anyone. I went to Thailand with Gap Medics who were particularly good - I'll put a link at the end of this post.

The most important things I can leave you with is to stay positive but be realistic. This isn't a never, it's a not right now, people start medical school at such a variety of ages so not getting in one year isn't catastrophic. It's important to use it as an opportunity to improve yourself and your application for next time, rather than 'you're not good enough'. However it's also important to be prepared, the application process is a difficult start of a long and difficult journey, and it requires commitment and resilience, ironically qualities of good doctors.

Congratulations to everyone who got a place this year and good luck to those (re)applying next year!

XOX

Check them out!  http://www.gapmedics.co.uk/

Blood!

Yesterday I took the opportunity to do something that I've been meaning to do for an insanely long time. I'm not going to go into a whole essay about it, but it's an absolutely amazing thing to do. Something that is much simpler and less frightening/stressful than I was imagining, and it saves lives. I was reading yesterday that 25% of us will require a transplant at some point! yet a shockingly small amount of people actually donate blood.

They have stock levels, and although my particular blood type wasn't one of the most sought after it still has a massive impact. Plus the pain and resultant wound is really insignificant. I'm terrified of needles but I just found the whole process fascinating. I'd definitely recommend the experience as something everyone should consider. It's amazing how something so small can be so important! Plus I've felt amazing since the donation, i know some people feel faint, and I expected this, but I felt so great! 

Www.blood.co.uk has more information! 

XOX

Interview Response 1: Rejected

I got a response back from the first university I was interviewed for recently, and as I expected it was a no. I can't really say that I'm surprised. I've always come across really well on paper, but when it comes to an interview situation I get really nervous. I can't keep my cool so I forget a lot and don't talk about things I really should or think as coherently as would usually be required of me. Especially when I know exactly what my performance at interview is riding on. I did the same as I did when I got rejected from Kings, and didn't even want to look at my track status. But this time I actually told people, who are amazing and made me feel so much better about the situation. 

I'm feeling a little gutted, but I'm really glad I still have a chance at getting in this year. Currently I'm being considered by two different universities. I've done really well to get to this stage, as competitive as medicine is, it just feels so close that I can almost grasp it, but I'm not quite there. Hopefully one of the other universities will like me enough to offer me a place, but if not I will bulk put my application with more work experience, study for another year and hopefully get myself a masters degree and reapply, working hard on my timekeeping for the UKCAT. 

But for now it's getting close to Easter break, and I have three deadlines to meet before I can get there, and with my dissertation write up due just after, I have a lot of work on my hands. 

Here's to a busy couple of months,

XOX 

Update: March 2014

I haven't blogged for a while, so here's just a short update on how I've been. A good starting place would be to discuss how I got on at the selection centre at Warwick. Well this, despite being nothing at alike I'd imagined, actually wasn't too bad. It seemed like a mix of my Imperial interview, my 'Asda Magic' session and an exam all rolled into one. This sounds absolutely horrendous, but I actually relaxed quite a lot during the session and I think this was a result of doing it as a group. It was interesting to see other prospective medical students and realise that, very much like myself, they haven't actually got it all together and have similar concerns to myself. We're basically all trying our hardest and hoping that somewhere likes us enough to offer us a place. Which is exactly how it works when you go for an insanely competitive course. My interview was for both Warwick and Barts, but I absolutely loved Warwick university. It's a campus, something I completely despised the idea of when I came to Brighton, but seems much more appealing now. I love living in the middle of a city, and I know that I'd absolutely love living in London too, but something appeals about the sense of community there. I guess we'll see if I get an offer!

I think I blogged a lot at the end of last year about how unhappy I was as well. I think it's safe to say that things have changed here, for the better. I promised myself that 2014 was going to be the year that I would be happy, and despite a slightly rocky start, being insanely busy and recovering from the carnage that was 2013, we're a quarter of the way through and I'm  happier than I've been in a really long time, meaning I'm more optimistic and having a much more positive outlook on things. I've stressed about exams of course, and the future, but I feel so much more myself. I'm doing things that I actually just forgot that I do when I'm happy. Like singing around the house (not just in the shower), humming as I cook, smiling at strangers in the street and dancing around the kitchen (you get the idea!). I can actually honestly say I'm content, it's been a while.

Finally I finished my first semester of my final year, and despite not doing quite as well as I'd hoped, I've done okay. My exams were okay. In comparision to the average, I've done pretty damn well, but semester one exams really aren't my best part, so I'm glad my courseworks this year have been pretty good as well. I'm averaging a first overall so I'm off to a great start to try and get my 2:1 at the end of it. But with 3 deadlines in the next few weeks I'm definitely feeling the pressure! It's slightly scary to think in 3 months time I'll be done.

Wish me luck!

XOX

The End of The First Round: Shortlist to Interview

For the universities I've applied for at least, shortlisting for interview is complete. I think it's good to reflect back on the process and learn from what has gone well and what hasn't.

Firstly, I think it's okay to be immensely proud of myself in surviving this stage. So many people, some amazing applicants fall at this hurdle, and I was almost convinced that I would be one of them, so now I would be picking up the pieces and prepping myself for a 2015 entry application cycle. I'm not at this stage yet.

So far I've had 1 rejection, from King's College, London. If I'm completely honest with myself, this was one of my favourites, so I was a little bit gutted to hear this (you can read about this in my post: 'Rejection'). But they were very clear with me, so I completely understand their reasoning. My UKCAT wasn't quite high enough, so I didn't get in based on my mini-panic attack in the exam, causing me to screw up my quantitative reasoning section and miss out 13 questions. But these things happen, and despite this, I'm still doing well.

I had an interview in November at Imperial College, London. I love Imperial as a university, and it's always been one of my favourites. The university has such good standing, and the course looks absolutely fantastic, and completely in tune with my method of learning. The interview itself was strange, and looking back at it now, I wasn't entirely prepared, which is majorly because I didn't really know what to expect. I think some questions I answered really well, others I got flustered and could have answered much better (the kind of answers you consider half an hour later whilst sitting on the tube!). So I guess my standing in comparison to the other applicants will determine if I get made an offer of a place. I should find this out within the next month, which is both incredibly frightening, but also exciting.

Last week, I got an email notifying me I had been shortlisted for interview for the graduate scheme at the university of Warwick. Warwick also looks absolutely amazing, the campus looks so pretty, and the fact that the scheme is entirely for graduates is really appealing. The selection process is a selection day, completely opposite to my experience at Imperial, however I'm hoping the competitive side of me will come out enough for me to appear charismatic, without seeming too overbearing. I have longer to prepare, therefore after my exam, I'll have time to properly research the process and mentally prepare myself for the process, to give myself the best possible chance.

So the day I found this out was absolutely amazing, so to add to my excitement, I got an email from Barts and the London, informing me that they were also considering my application, based on my performance at the selection centre at Warwick. This is amazing. For those who know the medical school selection procedure, Barts and Warwick work together to select candidates to offer places to, however, you only get considered by both, if you are shortlisted by both.

From going from being convinced that I wasn't good enough, 3 of the best universities, and 75% of my choices, have disagreed with me enough to want to take me further. This is really exciting.

The next stage is the interview stage. I'll keep you updated as I go along, and hopefully I'll make it past this stage!

XOX

'Invitation to Selection Centre'

These keep coming when I'm in public places :D
The rise of modern technology means that you can check your emails anywhere, and I very much struggled to keep it cool when reading this over my lunch today.

Yes, I have a second interview, which is amazing, because despite myself not think I'm good enough or that I've done enough to get into medicine, not one but 2 medical schools think differently enough to take my application to the next stage. This is absolutely fantastic. I'm trying not to get really excited, but my dream is feeling closer than ever, and I'm really happy about it. I have a bit more time to prepare this time too. I have over a month until the date so I'm feeling much more relaxed about it than the one I had before. It's a completely different situation this time, I have to go to a selection centre, rather than just sit in front of a panel and talk. This has good and bad points. I always dread these kind of interviews, I hate the not knowing what to expect. However, taking what I can from the group interview I had for my job, seeing my 'competition' motivates me to really try hard to show the assessors my worth. I'm hoping this is what will happen this time. I'm also feeling more confident based on the fact that I've already had an interview, I know a little bit more about what to expect, and I can draw from what went well and what didn't go quite as well to really tailor my performance this time. I'm in a pretty good position.

Anyway, before I can even stress about this, I have exams to pass!

Busy, busy month!

XOX

Rejection

I found out a little while ago that I got rejected from one of the medical schools I applied for. Now this isn't down to anything I did, I just got out-competed, and there wasn't really anything I could have done about it. I got an explanation: My UKCAT wasn't high enough. I had a really good UKCAT, but due to the amount of applicants, I was just below the cutoff, an extraordinary high 772. The downside is, that out of all of them it was my favourite, so I guess you could say I'm a little but gutted about it.

So how did I react? I read the email, remained completely emotionless and didn't tell anyone for about 3 weeks. I've still only mentioned it to one person.
I didn't really expect this, I'm doing okay, I just thought on the inevitability that this would happen, I would feel somewhat different. I thought I'd be more upset, and definitely much more vocal about the whole situation. People keep asking me about how my application is going, and I've just been replying with I haven't heard, not necessarily a lie, I'm still waiting to hear from 2 of my universities, but also it is in this case.

I've coped by focusing my efforts on my uni work, I need to do well, because, as far as I'm aware I'm still a viable candidate for 3 out of my 4 choices. To get into any of these, I need to maintain my high grades, which means copious hours spent in the library and trawling over my coursework, reading countless journal articles and reading for my project.

I'm also continuing volunteering. I'm back at the health clinic tomorrow, and I'm genuinely excited, I've really missed it. I also have my first safespace shift of the year lined up, which is something else to look forward to. I'm lining up a new potential volunteering role as well, working for a scheme that monitors standards of healthcare in the local area and works on patient feedback, which would help me learn so much more about the workings of the NHS, this is potentially really exciting.

On top of this, I'm working on applications for my back up - an MSc in Cardiovascular Science, which is offered by 4 universities in England. Surprisingly the application process for this is more detailed and stressful than going through UCAS for medicine!

So how would I recommend coping with being rejected from a medical school?
Firstly it's important not to see it as the be all and end all of everything. It's gutting to get rejected, but it's a normal part of the application. You have 3 other choices to focus on, therefore work hard and learn from the experience, to better display yourself, should you get an interview for any of the others. If you get rejected from all 4, then look at the feedback given to you by the medical schools to enhance your application next time. If it was your UKCAT, work harder to improve your score. Do more volunteering, more paid work, anything to give you a wider idea of what medicine entails. And remember to apply to your strengths. Different medical schools have different selection criteria, therefore apply to the schools that look for aspects of your application that are particularly strong. Try not to be discouraged.

I hear from the medical school I got an interview for next month and the other schools should give me a decision as to whether or not I get an interview in the next couple of weeks.

Wish me luck!

XOX