London Calling!

So I've done it, taken a massive step and done like so many others have attempted before me. I moved to the capital! So let me just explain exactly what I'm doing here because apparently I didn't realise this until I started explaining my decisions to people who didn't know what was going on with me.

I've decided to undertake a masters in Cardiovascular Research at King's College London. In the recent QS rankings it ranked an extremely impressive number 16 worldwide, with only 5 other UK institutions beating it. this is phenomenal, so I guess one of the primary reasons that I'm here is to gain a world class education. Secondly, King's is excellent for Cardiovascular research, having earned an award from the BHF for research excellence, being one of only 2 universities to do so. I'm absolutely fascinated by the cardiovascular system, and the opportunity to be able to study it intricately whilst developing my practical skills, which - lets face it, are poor, if being described optimistically, was too good to pass up. This is going to be really beneficial for me for a number of reasons. I could go into medical research... and this degree would equip me to do so. Or if i decide that I actually want to pursue medicine again, this could help me to become a researching consultant specialising in Cardiology, both of which would be a pretty amazing job! Right now I'm not sure if I want to apply for medicine again. I'd love to study it, but the idea of 4 years more studying is a little daunting, so next year I'm going to take some time out and decide for certain if this is what I want to do. And if it still is after pursuing the over options available to me, then I will throw myself whole heartedly into it!

As for London - London is big and unfriendly and scary, but as many existential crises I've had since I've been here (Yes - plural!) I can walk through this city now and get excited about what it has to offer. I can find museums I want to go to with my housemates, or find lots of quirky, very London-esque restaurants to take my significant over too, and nice compact metropolitan areas perfect for taking friends from outside of the city. This is city is going to take hold of me and I think by the end of this year I'll feel like a brash 'typical Londoner' I'm just hoping I don't lose the friendly parts of me that have developed from being a from a large town!

Here's to new adventures!

XOX

Choosing Your Adventures

Do you ever feel the need to just take off? I mean I felt this in second year, and I was determined that the reasoning for this was to escape. I was stressed about exams, my job. The relationship I had at the time was pretty bad at this point and I was finding it hard to cope. This feeling didn't really go away until the summer afterwards, and I thought it was just that I was less stressed, but now looking back at it I think it was because I went to Thailand. This was probably one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. But now, exactly one year on, I'm feeling this itch again.

It's started by feeling dissatisfied. I'm starting my masters in a couple of weeks and the whole process of organising it has been so stressful. On top of this, actually studying my masters is going to be just as stressful. I've been feeling like I don't want to do anything, and the feeling of being so disinterested in everything has been pretty horrendous. I mean I have everything I thought I wanted, so what is wrong with me? I want to travel again. This time closer to home however. I want to travel around Europe - Barcelona, Berlin, Italy, Prague, Russia, Croatia, Belgium, Amsterdam. You name it, I probably would rather be there than anywhere in the UK at the moment. I even kind of want to do it alone again too. There's something so liberating about travelling alone, meeting people you're probably not going to talk to again, having completely new and amazing experiences, and they're yours. I'm dreaming about this and it's gotten to the point in which going to London, something I always said I wanted to do, is leaving me feeling trapped. I know I'm being ridiculous, but I think this is part of who I am. I want to explore everywhere, and the fact that I cannot do any more for over a year is making me feel pretty bad.

Again though, London will be an adventure, and I'm feeling anxious about it, but I think this might be a good kind of anxious. It's a new chapter and a once in a lifetime experience. So I should be more excited right?

I'm hoping this will change, I'll probably be there in a weeks time!

Here's to experiences!

XOX

Graduated!!

3 days ago I had my (first) graduation ceremony, Check it out :D

To be able to say that I have a degree in Biomedical Science, a good degree at that, opens up so many doors! I'd be lying if I said that I'm not a little disappointed that I won't be starting medicine this year, but I'm excited for what the future brings. I'll be starting my MSc in Cardiovascular Research in a little under 2 months time, and this will help with really preparing me for both if I decide not to pursue medicine at a later date and embarked on a career in medical research, and if I do decide to pursue medicine, it will be an excellent tool to use in both following the specialism (cardiology) in which I would like to train, as well as equipping me with research skills, which I'm finding more and more I want to be a part of the career I'm involved in.

In terms of ambition, I've always been cautious, or as cautious as anyone wanting to pursue medicine can be! I've had my share of setbacks and disappointment, which has led me to not really expect too much of myself. I always kind of envisioned myself working quietly as a trained doctor but never really progressing. Now, I kind of want to be a consultant, dividing my time between working with patients and actively researching my field Maybe it's just a pipedream, but everyone needs an aim.

As for medicine 2015, I'm around 90% sure that I won't be reapplying this year. Partaking in a masters is costly, and I think it'll be beneficial for me to pay back some of that loan first before getting myself in even more debt with medicine! It'll give me time to decide with absolute certainty that this is what I want.

For now, Lots of work to do!

XOX

[Inability to come up with inventive new titles for blog posts so stole an old one]

Having a typical attack of insomnia and feeling horrendous today anyway so I might as well update on here.

So since I last left you I've completed my exams, and found out that I'm graduating with a 2:1 degree. I know this is an achievement, particularly in a subject like mine, but I can't help but feel slightly disappointed because a few differences and I could have walked away with a first. One of the hardest things to deal with in this case is that I can't do anything to change it now. All through my degree there was always another module, another exam, something that could give me the opportunity to make my grade higher, but now that's it. It's done. 

I've also made a decision concerning the next year of my life. I'm not reapplying to medicine this year. It's expensive, and failing having an expansive pit of money at my disposal, I can't really afford to do both that and a masters degree. I will be studying cardiovascular research at Kings College, with a view to hopefully getting myself a job afterwards, if only to earn some money before returning to be a student. This is going to be an entirely new challenge, and one I can't particularly bring myself to look forward to whilst I'm still tying off all the loose ends of my life here in Brighton but I think it'll be something really positive.

Anyway graduating next week, then moving back home for a while, which should prove interesting! 

To pressing forward! 

XOX

Reflections on 3 Years of Biomed

I sat yesterday, staring at the final piece of coursework for my degree, and stressing over the fact that I have 2 weeks until my first exam, and I feel unprepared. This made me think back to my first year, the time when I actually started this blog, and reflect on how I thought I was stressed back then. Stressed about passing level 4, of which the grade didn't even count towards my final degree classification. It made me smile and feel nostalgic for those days. Things were completely different then, and in a way they felt so simple. A time where I don't think I fully appreciated how much free time I had, I didn't even have a job back then, all of my time was mine. I wanted medicine so badly, which was seconded by how badly I wanted things to work out in terms of my, even back then starting to go sour, relationship. I was desperately holding on to who I was when I was 16, despite the fact that everything around me had changed and as a result I could feel myself changing with it.

On top of that I was settling into a new city, feeling homesick often enough for me to jump on a train and travel home whenever I felt like it. Now this city feels like home, and although I feel like I'm ready for a new challenge, I'm really going to miss living here. I love Brighton, especially how vibrant it is, how much there is to do here, how beautiful it is, and most importantly the experiences I've had here.

Now I'm finishing level 6 - my final year. Understandably I'm stressed out, but I've really enjoyed this degree, and coming so close to graduating, I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to put it behind me quite yet. I've met some amazing people here, people who represent some of my very best friends now, and I've grown up, realised that change isn't always a bad thing, sometimes it makes life much richer.

I've changed my attitude on medicine too, trying and failing for the first time has made me far more realistic about the possibility of getting in. It's also made me question myself. Finally, instead of pursuing something out of habit, a 8 year long thought process, I'm able to think critically again about the pros and cons of pursuing this career path, and I feel like I'm able to explore my options and decide on if I still want to do this in summer when I've cleared my mind from coursework and exams. I won't go into the reasoning here, I've already blogged about it.

My last reflection is on this blog itself, I really hope I've managed to create a realistic account of what it's like to  be a medicine hopeful, and the fact that it isn't easy. It's always good to be reflective of where you've come from and actually learn from those experiences.

I'm going to pursue a masters degree for next year, it feels like the right move for me and it'll put me in a great position no matter what I decide my next move is, whether that be medicine, or if I decide to pursue research instead.

For now you'll either be bombarded with several blog posts with me procrastinating, or there'll be complete radio silence.

XOX

Reapplying to Medicine, Do or Don't

If I'm answering honestly, the answer I've been leaning towards most recently is the latter. It's not that I don't want to be a doctor anymore, I really do. But it's not the only thing that I want to do with my life. That's not in terms of a career, medicine I'm still entirely set on, if a career was all that I wanted my life to be about.

The reality I'm faced with now is that I'm 22, and the earliest that I could possibly do medicine if all went right is 23. Add on top of that 4 years of medical school and 2 foundation years, and suddenly I'm not trained until I'm in my late twenties. Whilst this is happening all of my friends are settling down, earning money, getting a mortgage and generally just starting their lives. It feels a lot like I would be postponing life in order to pursue something in which every stage is so challenging.

So this was my thought process until Tuesday. So why was Tuesday different? Well I went to the anatomy lab of the medical school, and that changed things. It served as a reminder of what I could have if I continued to work hard at it, if I continued to make sacrifices for it, and it's amazing. It's the only thing I've ever really wanted to do, and I know I can be introverted, but when I'm so passionate about something, I'd put my everything into it, which is why I'd make a good doctor. I'd put everything I am into it, all I would need is the opportunity.

So in honesty, I'm still torn. How do you choose between your career aims and the aims for your personal life? I always used to think everything was so black and white, either you wanted something or you didn't. But this is pretty speckled with areas of grey.

So my plan for now: work insanely hard for the next few weeks and then enjoy my summer. I've spent 3 years doing my undergraduate degree, and worked insanely hard, I need a break. After this, when I have to leave Brighton, I'm going to decide if I'm going to reapply to medicine next year ad put myself though the process again, or I'd change my aims and go for medical research - my second choice.

Wish me luck in obtaining clarity!!

XOX 

How to cope if you don't get into Medical School

I'm writing this blog now, and then I'll post it when I feel like I'm ready to talk about it to people. But I didn't get into med school this year. I know that it's insanely competitive, and I did really well to get to the interview stage, but it's still pretty gutting to get this far only to fall at the last hurdle (In terms of admissions anyway).

So what are my thoughts:

I think they're pretty normal things to think when you're in this situation!

1. 'Can I handle going through this kind of rejection again?' 
It's a massive thing when you aim for your dream only to get told that you can't do it right now, I mean it's really-soul destroying. Things in life don't always go the way you would have hoped for, and sometimes there are massive hurdles, disappointments and moments when you just want to give up, but I think this is part of what makes us human. The important thing is how you react to it. So the answer to the above question is yes. I can handle this. Why? Because I've already handled it before And it's for what I really want, and if I get there all of the disappointment, feeling rejected generally rubbish, and most importantly all of the hard work would have been so worth it. I think it's also important to learn from this situation. Work out the instances in which your application was weak, and improve it - get that extra work experience, improve those interview skills, completely destroy the UKCAT, whatever it takes.

2. 'Am I certain this is really what I want to do?'
Going through this kind of situation really separates applicants with this question. Is it what I want? If you're thinking 'oh well, I'll become a scientist, musician, counsellor, literary genius instead' without much thought or disappointment, then the answer is probably no, and to go and pursue another career path. But if you do what I did and stare at the final rejection email thinking 'but the only thing I want to do is this' then it's probably a good idea to persevere. If you think you'd be just as happy in another career path, that one would probably be easier to pursue!

3. 'What if everyone is disappointed in me?'
Let them be disappointed! The likelihood is that they won't be, medicine is an incredibly hard course to get onto, and many great doctors didn't get in on their first attempt. In all honestly, if you're good enough to even be considered as a potential medical student, then you've done pretty well for yourself.

4. 'What do I do now?'
Now the best situation would be to pursue something that would beef up your application next time around. My personal plan is to hopefully do a masters degree, explore an area of medicine that interests me and also continue setting up a life I could have if I theoretically never got into medicine. This would make me more favourable academically, as well as freeing me up some time to increase the amount of voluntary work on my personal statement which would be great. I think this is a really good plan, however it's not for everyone, so do what you need to do - get a job (medical or not, either can be used to increase skills you'd use as a doctor), go travelling - enriched life experiences look great on a personal statement, especially doing what I did and working in a hospital abroad. The experience is absolutely amazing and I would seriously recommend it to anyone. I went to Thailand with Gap Medics who were particularly good - I'll put a link at the end of this post.

The most important things I can leave you with is to stay positive but be realistic. This isn't a never, it's a not right now, people start medical school at such a variety of ages so not getting in one year isn't catastrophic. It's important to use it as an opportunity to improve yourself and your application for next time, rather than 'you're not good enough'. However it's also important to be prepared, the application process is a difficult start of a long and difficult journey, and it requires commitment and resilience, ironically qualities of good doctors.

Congratulations to everyone who got a place this year and good luck to those (re)applying next year!

XOX

Check them out!  http://www.gapmedics.co.uk/